75 lines
3.1 KiB
Plaintext
75 lines
3.1 KiB
Plaintext
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Auckland Hoon's Road Code
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1. Don't wait for anyone or anything. Drive at maximum speed in the outside
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lane until your exit is 100 metres away. Plunge wildly across three or four
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lanes and make obscene gestures to anyone in your way.
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Don't worry about possible contact with other cars, your bullbars will
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protect you.
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Pass on the left when other drivers' exits are approaching. Pull alongside
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slow drivers and scream obscenities through their open window.
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Don't worry to look where you're driving, your mates will hold the steering
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wheel for you and suggest new words you can use.
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2. Ignore any moving object smaller than your car. The HQ Holden is only
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worth $500 (and most other cars will just bounce off, anyway). Laugh at
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anyone asking if you have third party insurance. Tell them they can't get
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blood from a stone.
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3. Look for gaps in the traffic ahead and fill them, no matter which lane.
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Where gaps don't exist, create them.
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4. The kid next door smashed all your rear vision mirrors, but don't replace
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them. Just don't look back. What's gone is gone.
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5. Don't worry about signalling, it keeps everyone on their toes. Anyway isn't
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it dangerous to make hand signals while carrying a half empty beer bottle?
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6. Drive close enough to the car in front to show them the whites of your
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eyes - It's guaranteed to clear the way for you.
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Sneer at the other drivers when they swerve out of your way, and watch
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their reactions. Old ladies are the most fun. If they give you aggro,
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repeat the seond half of Rule No 1.
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7. You have the right to be on the road in any condition - tired, drunk, or
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just plain stupid. Qualifying on all three counts should be your constant
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aim. Don't worry, it's easy.
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8. Ensure that no more than four fingers of one hand touch the steering wheel
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at any time. Leave the other hand free for holding liquid refreshment,
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communicating with other drivers, or both.
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Drape half of your seat belt across your shoulder to fool the law. The
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other half is keeping the muffler tied on. When the driver's seat frame
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collapses, stuff a beer crate under it to shore it up.
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9. Avoid thoughts about warrants of fitness. If they connect the car with your
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name, They'll want to return it to the real owner.
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Don't worry if the shock absorbers have failed, they're only there to make
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the car more comfortable. If the windscreen's too dirty to see out, smash a
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hole in it.
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10. Ignore the speed limit. When challanged by the law, argue aggressively that
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the Germans aren't stupid and they don't have speed limits--do they?
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Reinforce your logic by waving a beer bottle at them. If they won't take no
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for an answer, don't bother to front up in court.
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Remember, they can't get blood out of a stone.
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-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Downloaded from the Pinnacle Club (Auckland, NZ) Thanks Bernadette!
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-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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