158 lines
6.7 KiB
Plaintext
158 lines
6.7 KiB
Plaintext
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Chapter 7
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EPITAPHS, FAMOUS LAST WORDS
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Miscellaneous
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The ashes of a person after cremation weigh about 4 pounds.
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Alexander the Great's body was submerged in honey. Honey
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does not disintegrate and is a hermetic seal.
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Tibetians used to cut their dead into pieces and offer the
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bits as food to birds. This custom was practiced until only about
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forty years ago.
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Mary, Queen of Scots was executed. The method was
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decapitation by axe. Evidently the axe wasn't very sharp, since
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the executioner had to hit her again and again fifteen times until
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her head came off.
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In the Renaissance era, people who were condemned to
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execution had to bribe their executioners to do a quick and
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merciful job.
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The Nazi's thought the guillotine needed improvement. The
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version that the used had the victims lay face up with the eyes
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propped open so that they wouldn't miss seeing anything.
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Epitaphs
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This epitaph can be found in Storrington Churchyard, England:
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"Here lies the Body of Edward Hyde.
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We laid him here because he died.
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Mary Keith Marshall's epitaph is in a graveyard in Kentucky:
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"She was good
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but not brilliant;
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Useful but
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not great."
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King Robert III of Scotland wanted this epitaph: (He also
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requested to be buried in an anthill.)
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"Here lies the worst king and the most miserable man
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in the kingdom."
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This is the epitaph of Ellen Shannon which speaks for itself:
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Who was fatally burned
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March 21, 1870
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by the explosion of a lamp
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filled with "R.E. Danforth's
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Non-Explosive
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Burning Fluid."
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John Brown, a dentist's epitaph:
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Stranger! Approach this spot
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with gravity!
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John Brown is filling
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his last cavity."
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This one was from a woman who had never married:
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"No hits, no runs, no heirs."
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This epitaph was written for a young baby:
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Ope'd my eyes, took a peep;
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Didn't like it, went to sleep."
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William Shakespeare's epitaph:
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"Good friend, for Jesus' sake forbear, to dig the dust
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enclosed here! Blessed be the man that spares these
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stones, and cursed be he that moves my bones."
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Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr's epitaph:
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"Free at last, free at last,
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thank God Almighty I'm free at last."
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W.C. Fields' epitaph:
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"On the whole I would rather be in Philadelphia."
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George Bernard Shaw's epitaph:
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"I knew if I stayed around long enough, something like
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this would happen."
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Famous Last Words
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Pablo Picasso's last words were, "Drink to me."
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On February 14, 1884, an artist was painting President
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Franklin D. Roosevelt, who announced, "Well, we've got fifteen
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minutes more to work." He then died of a stroke.
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The last thing Lou Costello did was eat a strawberry ice
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cream soda. The last thing he said was, "That was the best ice
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cream soda I ever tasted."
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Perhaps the most famous last words in all history were spoken
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by Major general John Sedgwich in the Civil War battle of
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Spottsylvania. He said, "Why, they couldn't hit an elephant at
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this dist..."
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On the Fourth of July, 1826, exactly 50 years after signing
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the Declaration of Independence, the American President John
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Adams' last words were, "Thomas Jefferson still survives." He was
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wrong. Thomas Jefferson died the same day.
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Leonardo da Vinci's last words were, "I have offended God and
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mankind because my work didn't reach the quality it should have."
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H.G. Wells last words were, "Go away, I'm all right!" He
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couldn't have been further from the truth.
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The last thing P.T. Barnum wondered about as he lay dying
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was: "How were the circus receipts today at Madison Square
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Garden?"
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Last words of Carl Panzram, mass murderer: "I wish the whole
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human race had one neck and I had my hands on it."
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James Rogers, when standing before his firing squad was asked
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if he had a last request. He answered, "Why, yes, I'd like a
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bulletproof vest."
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William Palmer was sentenced to the gallows. As the rope was
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put around his head and he stood on the trap door in the floor he
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asked, "Are you sure it's safe?"
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Dominique Bouhours, a grammarian, had these last words: "I am
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about to - or I am going to - die: either expression is used."
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The physicist James Croll wanted a glass of Scotch. He
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stated, "I don't think there's much fear of me learning to drink
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now."
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The last words of Fontenelle were, " I suffer nothing, but
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feel a sort of difficulty in living longer."
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The last words of Benjamin Franklin: "A dying man can do
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nothing easy."
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The last words of King Louis XVIII. "A king should die
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standing."
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The Thing Lord Thurlow said was, "I'll be shot if I don't
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believe I'm dying."
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The last words of Georg Wilhelm Hegel: "Only one man
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understood me ... and he didn't understand."
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The big-time gangster Arnold Rothstein was asked who shot
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him. Keeping faithful to the gangster tradition of secrecy even
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as he was dying, he said, "Me mudder did it."
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