69 lines
3.4 KiB
Standard ML
69 lines
3.4 KiB
Standard ML
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Subject: Re: 50 Fun Things To Do In An Elevator (fwd)
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From: Toni Ralston <mgt@cruzio.com>
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1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
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2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other
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passengers.
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3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up,
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dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
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4. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
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5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
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6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the
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elevator.
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7. Shave.
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8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got
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enough air in there?"
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9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-
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down.
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10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without
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getting off.
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11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open,
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then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
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12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"
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13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them
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to call you Admiral.
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14. One word: Flatulence!
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15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open
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until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the
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bottom.
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16. Do Tai Chi exercises.
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17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce:
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"I've got new socks on!"
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18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now,
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damn motion sickness!"
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19. Give religious tracts to each passenger.
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20. Meow occasionally.
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21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
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22. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
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23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
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24. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
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25. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
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26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
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27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of
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THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
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28. Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"
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29. Leave a box between the doors.
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30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
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31. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
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32. Start a sing-along.
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33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"
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34. Play the harmonica.
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35. Shadow box.
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36. Say "Ding!" at each floor.
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37. Lean against the button panel.
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38. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
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39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
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40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other
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passengers that this is your "personal space."
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41. Bring a chair along.
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42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in
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muh mouf?"
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43. Blow spit bubbles.
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44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
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45. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
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46. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
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47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
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48. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
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49. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."
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50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"
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