39 lines
1.9 KiB
Plaintext
39 lines
1.9 KiB
Plaintext
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SCIENTISTS DISCOVER NEW ELEMENT!
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The heaviest element known to science was recently
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discovered by university physical chemists. The element,
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tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or
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electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it
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does have one neutron, 15 assistant neutrons, 70 vice
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neutrons, and 161 assistant vice neutrons. this gives it an
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atomic mass of 247. These 247 priticles are held together
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in a nucleus by a force that involves the continuous
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exchange of meson-like particles called morons.
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Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert.
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However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every
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reaction it comes into contact with. According to the
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discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium added to one
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reaction caused it to take over four days to complete.
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Without Administratium, the reaction ordinarily occured in
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less than one second.
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Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three
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years, at which time it does not acutally decay but instead
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undergoes reorganization in which assistant neutrons, and
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assistant vice neutrons exchange places. Studies seem to
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show that the atomic mass actually increases after each
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reorganization.
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Research indicates that Administratium occurs naturally in
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the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate in certain
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locations such as government agencies, large corporations,
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and universities. It can usually be found in the newest,
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best-appointed and best-maintained buildings.
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Scientists warn that Administratium is known to be toxic,
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and recommend plenty of fluids and rest after even low
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levels of exposure.
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