104 lines
3.1 KiB
Plaintext
104 lines
3.1 KiB
Plaintext
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PHILOSOPHIES OF LIFE
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I) Only use moderation in moderation. (A rule of life)
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II) A mind may be a terrible thing to waste, but a waist
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is a terrible thing to mind.
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III) When in doubt, drink heavily.
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IV) I drink, therefore I am! (One of our favorites)
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V) Get drunk and be somebody else.
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VI) Fat, drunk, and stupid is the only way to go through life.
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VII) Life's a bitch, then you marry one.
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VIII) Girl's suck, until you ask them to.
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IX) Don't let your dick rule your life.
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X) Don't let the little guy think for the big guy. (Similar)
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XI) I'd rather have a bottle in front of me then a
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frontal labotomy.
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XII) Don't drink and drive, you might spill it.
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XIII) If you must drink and drive, drink excessively,
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drive fast, and take the most indirect route.
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XIV) Don't drink and drive, get all of your drinking
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done before you get behind the wheel.
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XV) Don't waste beer, there are sober people in India.
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XVI) I'll never ever not drink again!!!
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XVII) All cats are grey in the dark.
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XVIII) All women are beautiful, some are just less
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beautiful than others.
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XIX) Women, can't live with them, can't leave them
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by the curb when you're done with 'em.
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XX) A beer delayed is a beer denied.
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XXI) A beer in need is a beer indeed.
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XXII) If we don't drink it, someone else will.
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XXIII) The only time I refused a drink I didn't
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understand the question.
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XXIV) Don't get caught with your pants down when
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the lights come on.
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XXV) Alcoholism is not a disease, it's a goal.
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XXVI) You could do that, but it would be wrong.
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XXVII) No machine can replace man until it
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learns to drink!
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XXVIII) It was a woman who first drove me to drink,
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and I never did stop to thank her.
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XXIX) Do it once, do it right, and _m_a_y_b_e she'll
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let you do it again.
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XXX) You can pick your friends and you can pick your
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nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose.
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XXXI) You can prick your finger, but never finger
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your prick.
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XXXII) Any more than three shakes is fun.
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XXXIII) If it didn't stink, they wouldn't call it shit.
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XXXIV) Never get married in the morning, you'll never
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know who you'll meet that night.
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XXXV) I never met a woman I couldn't drink pretty.
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XXXVI) You're not an alcoholic unless you go to
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the meetings.
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XXXVII) I may not be able to walk, but I drive from
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the sitting posistion.
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XXXVIII) Alcohol is not a problem, until you can't get any.
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XXXIX) You can fool some of the people all of the time and
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all of the people some of the time, but you can never fool
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your dad.
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XL) Don't talk to the driver while he's drinking.
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