76 lines
3.3 KiB
Plaintext
76 lines
3.3 KiB
Plaintext
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DEFECTIVE DEFECTORS
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The big league spy games are heating up as the U.S. and Soviet Union head
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into the pre-Summit stretch. Last week, spectators were awed as the two super
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powers played a taut game of Cross Over.
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While top level discussions between the two nations generally are viewed as
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beswaddled in subtle maneuvering, the action in the press, where propaganda
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points are better than hard currency, is overt--at times almost comical.
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In the last few weeks of play, the Soviets have scored twice. First, there
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was the incident on the Mississippi, during which a sailor (read 'player')
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jumped into Big Muddy with defection apparently on his mind. Our folks gave
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him back. He jumped again. We gave him back again.
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Then Sen. Jesse Helms subpoenaed the sailor and a coterie of Senate aides
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hung around the Soviet grain ship to keep it from departing our borders. How
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could it, with a circus-like river jam of tourist boats, Coast Guard cutters
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and other merchant ships blocking the way? Easy. It just left. Bye, bye!
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Our second loss, the one termed 'embarrassing,' was of Mr. Yurchenko, an
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obviously defective defector. Apparently, the CIA didn't treat him well enough
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so he decided to return to Mother Russia after a 3-month sojourn in the States.
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Yet another defector incident is in progress. A Romainian sailor has sought
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asylum in the U.S. Will he get to stay? Probably, since he isn't a spy.
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The National Satirist, of course, has a tap on some of the CIA's phones and
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we overheard an earnest discussion about pre-Summit defectors between two of
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the Company's finest...
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CLOAK: Do you think they're plants?
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DAGGER: Lemme check my file of double and triple agents again...no, I don't
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think so.
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CLOAK: But maybe YOU are and, if so, then they are too. Right?
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DAGGER: Only if you haven't doubled and are trying to cross me up!
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CLOAK: Come to think of it, you always call in sick on May 1st...
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DAGGER: Sure, it's my mother's birthday. Lookit, how are we going to tell
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if any of these three guys is cool if all we do is argue about which of US
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might be a mole?
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CLOAK: Okay. Suppose you and I are straight arrows. Then Yurchenko got to
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us, right? That's not supposed to happen. Therefore, someone in the Company
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has doubled and threw him back into the sea.
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DAGGER: I can't believe he took off out of 'Au Pied du Cochon,' that's such
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a great place to eat. Who was escorting Yurchenko?
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CLOAK: Someone in Deep Cover. You know we're not supposed to operate here
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in the States.
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DAGGER: How do I know it wasn't you? You do local escorts to make Christmas
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money, don't you?
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CLOAK: No, it wasn't me. I was playing in the Company's tennis tournament.
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DAGGER: I didn't see you there! What flight were you in?
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CLOAK: Don't try to trip me up! I know for a fact you were NOT there
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because I wasn't either--I was assigned to follow you.
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DAGGER: Then you know I wasn't the escort.
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CLOAK: No I don't! I lost you on 'M' Street at rush hour. You drive like a
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madman--<brrrrrrr!> madman! Where WERE you between then and no--
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<Brrrrr---zap!>
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Oh, heck, we lost our tap. As you can see from the above conversation, there
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is a really good reason the CIA is forbidden from operating inside the U.S.
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