textfiles/humor/cookie.1

Article 270 of alt.sources:
Path: santra!tut!draken!kth!enea!mcvax!uunet!nuchat!sugar!karl
From: karl@sugar.uu.net (Karl Lehenbauer)
Newsgroups: alt.sources
Subject: karl's fortune cookie file - part 1 of 6
Message-ID: <3275@sugar.uu.net>
Date: 14 Jan 89 06:52:30 GMT
Organization: Sugar Land Unix - Houston, TX
Lines: 1012

As promised, here is my fortune cookie file.  (I posted the cookie program
yesterday.)  It is in six parts.  Collect the parts, strip off the junk,
'cat' them together into the 'sayings' file then run 'cookhash' over them
to generate the hash file, as in "cookhash <sayings >sahash"  After that,
move them to target locations defined in cookie.h and do a 'cookie' to get
a cookie.

----------- cut here, don't forget to strip junk at the end, too -------------
What is vice today may be virtue tomorrow.
%%
Let me play with it first and I'll tell you what it is later.
- Miles Davis
%%
You will be successful in your work.
%%
In the beginning I was made.  I didn't ask to me made.  No one consulted
me or considered my feelings in this matter.  But if it brought some
passing fancy to some lowly humans as they haphazardly pranced their
way through life's mournful jungle then so be it.
- Marvin the Paranoid Android
%%
I just thought of something funny...your mother.
- Cheech Marin
%%
Lack of skill dictates economy of style.
- Joey Ramone
%%
Life is wasted on the living.
- Zaphod Beeblebrox IV
%%
Youth is wasted on the young.
- George Bernard Shaw
%%
The life of a repo man is always intense.
%%
You will soon meet a tall dark handsome stranger.
%%
!xob XINEX siht edisni kcuts m'I ,pleH
%%
I like the future, I'm in it.
%%
If you don't watch it, you're going to catch something.
%%
To be, or what?
- Sylvester Stallone
%%
I waited and waited, and when nobody called, I knew it was from you.
%%
A stitch in time saves nine.
%%
There's a bug somewhere in your code.
%%
Een schip op het strand is een baken in zee.
[A ship on the beach is a lighthouse to the sea.]
- Dutch Proverb
%%
Faire de la bonne cuisine demande un certain temps.  Si on vous fait attendre,
c'est pour mieux vous servir, et vous plaire.
[Good cooking takes time.  If you are made to wait, it is to serve you better,
 and to please you.]
Menu of Restaurant Antoine, New Orleans
[Also, what we're going to be telling our customers]
%%
Adde parvum parvo magnus acervus erit.
[Add little to little and there will be a big pile.]
- OVID
%%
He'll sit here and he'll say, "Do this!  Do that!"  And nothing will happen.
- Harry S. Truman, on presidential power
%%
Practice is the best of all instructors.
- Publilius
%%
Experience is a dear teacher, but fools will learn at no other.
- Poor Richard's Almanac
%%
The author should gaze at Noah, and ... learn, as they did in the Ark, to crowd
a great deal of matter into a very small compass.
- Sydney, Smith, Edinburgh Review
%%
The hypothesis:
Amid a wash of paper, a small number of documents become the critical pivots
around which every project's management revolves.  These are the manager's
chief personal tools.
- Frederick P. Brooks, Jr., The Mythical Man Month
%%
There is nothing in this world constant but inconstancy.
- Swift
%%
It is common sense to take a method and try it.  If it fails, admit it frankly
and try another.  But above all, try something.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
%%
Things are always at their best in the beginning.
- Pascal
%%
That is the key to history.  Terrific energy is expended -- civilizations are
built up -- excellent institutions devised; but each time something goes wrong.
Some fatal flaw always brings the selfish and cruel people to the top, and then
it all slides back into misery and ruin.  In fact, the machine conks.  It seems
to start up all right and runs a few yards, and then it breaks down.
- C. S. Lewis
%%
A good workman is known by his tools.
%%
I can call spirts from the vasty deep.
Why so can I, or so can any man; but will they come when you do call for them?
- Shakespeare, king Henry IV, Part I
%%
None love the bearer of bad news.
- Sophocles
%%
How does a project get to be a year late? ... One day at a time.
- Frederick Brooks, Jr., The Mythical Man Month
%%
What we do not understand we do not possess.
- Goethe
%%
The tar pit of software engineering will continue to be sticky for a long time
to come.  One can expect the human race to continue attempting systems just
within or just beyond our reach; and software systems are perhaps the most
intricate and complex of man's handiworks.  The management of this complex
craft will demand our best use of new languages and systems, our best
adaptation of proven engineering management methods, liberal doses of common
sense, and ... humility to recognize our fallibility and limitations.
- Frederick Brooks, Jr., The Mythical Man Month
%%
All programmers are optimists.  Perhaps this modern sorcery especially attracts
those who believe in happy endings and fairy godmothers.  Perhaps the hundreds
of nitty frustrations drive away all but those who habitually focus on the end
goal.  Perhaps it is merely that computers are young, programmers are younger,
and the young are always optimists.  But however the selection process works,
the result is indisputable:  "This time it will surely run," or "I just found
the last bug."
- Frederick Brooks, Jr., The Mythical Man Month
%%
The flow chart is a most thoroughly oversold piece of program documentation.
- Frederick Brooks, Jr., The Mythical Man Month
%%
The first 90% of a project takes 90% of the time.  The last 10% of a project
takes 90% of the time.
%%
At first sight, the idea of any rules or principles being superimposed on the
creative mind seems more likely to hinder than to help, but this is quite untrue
in practice.  disciplined thinking focuses inspiration rather than blinkers it.
- G. L. Glegg, The Design of Design
%%
"GOTO statement considered harmful"
- E. W. Dijkstra, title to a letter in CACM 11, 3 (March, 1968)
%%
The meek shall inherit the earth.  The rest of us will go to the stars.
%%
The emperor has no clothes.
%%
Here at Controls, we have one chief for every Indian...but only the brave get
scalped.
%%
The clothes have no emperor.
- C. A. Hoare, about Ada.
%%
There will always be survivors.
- Robert Heinlen
%%
The programmer, like the poet, works only slightly removed from pure thought-
stuff.  He builds his castles in the air, from air, creating by exertion of the
imagination.  Few media of creation are so flexible, so easy to polish and
rework, so readily capable of realizing grand conceptual structures.
- Frederick Brooks, Jr., The Mythical Man Month
%%
Mind your own business, Mr. Spock.  I'm sick of your halfbreed interference.
%%
A Puritan is someone who is deathly afraid that someone somewhere is having fun.
%%
A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.
- Samuel Johnson
%%
A gift of flower will soon be made to you.
%%
A liberal is someone too poor to be a capitalist and too rich to be a communist.
%%
A man forgives only when he is in the wrong.
%%
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
%%
University: A modern school where football is taught.
%%
Actors will happen in the best-regulated families.
%%
Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
%%
We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is more than she ever did.
- Rufus T. Firefly, in "Duck Soup"
%%
It's not often that you get so much class entertainment outside your bedroom
window or outside your bedroom, period.
- Groucho Marx
%%
All that glitters has a high refractive index.
%%
Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
%%
Been Transferred Lately?
%%
Beware of a tall dark man with a spoon up his nose.
%%
Blessed are they that run around in circles, for they shall be known as wheels.
%%
Angular momentum makes the world go round.
%%
Charity:  a thing that begins at home and usually stays there.
%%
Crazee Edeee, his prices are INSANE!!!
%%
Death:  to stop sinning suddenly.
%%
Do not underestimate the power of the Force.
%%
Don't eat yellow snow.    - Frank Zappa
%%
Don't force it, use a bigger hammer.
%%
Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts.
%%
Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
%%
Every absurdity has a champion to defend it.
%%
Everything you know is wrong.     - The Firesign Theater
%%
Failure is more frequently from want of energy than want of capital.
%%
Finagle's Law:  The perversity of the universe tends toward a maximum.
%%
Flee at once, all is discovered.
%%
Genius is the talent of a man who is dead.
%%
God must love the common man; He made so many of them.
%%
Hackers of the world, unite!
%%
Dyslexics of the world, untie!
%%
He who hesitates is sometimes saved.
%%
His heart was yours from the first moment that you met.
%%
I like work; it fascinates me; I can sit and look at it for hours.
%%
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
%%
I will never lie to you.
%%
I wish you humans would leave me alone.
%%
If God had wanted man to go around nude, He would have given him bigger hands.
%%
If God had wanted man to fly, He would have given him airline tickets.
%%
Ignore previous fortune.
%%
It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
%%
Laugh, and the world ignores you.  Crying doesn't help either.
%%
Long life is in store for you.
%%
Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
%%
Love is in the offing.  Be affectionate to one who adores you.
%%
Many are called, few are chosen.  Fewer still get to do the choosing.
%%
Many are called, few volunteer.
%%
Might as well be frank, monsieur. It would take a miracle to get you out of
Casablanca.
%%
No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
%%
Now and then an innocent man is sent to the Legislature.
%%
Paranoia doesn't mean the whole world really isn't out to get you.
%%
Philosophy:  unintelligible answers to insoluble problems.
%%
Someone is unenthusiastic about your work.
%%
Stability itself is nothing else than a more sluggish motion.
%%
Sturgeon's Law:  Ninety percent of everything is crud.
%%
Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.
%%
The Ranger isn't gonna like it, Yogi.
%%
The Tree of Learning bears the noblest fruit, but noble fruit tastes bad.
%%
The decision doesn't have to be logical, it is unanimous.
%%
The time is right to make new friends.
%%
The universe is laughing behind your back.
%%
There is no such thing as pure pleasure; some anxiety always goes with it.
%%
Time is nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen at once.
%%
To think is human, to compute, divine.
%%
Today is the last day of your life so far.
%%
Try the Moo Shu Pork.  It is especially good today.
%%
What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do it.
%%
What this country needs is a good five cent microcomputer.
%%
Words must be weighed, not counted.
%%
You are going to have a new love affair.
%%
You have a tendency to feel you are superior to most computers.
%%
You have been selected for a secret mission.
%%
You will be recognized and honored as a community leader.
%%
You will be surprised by a loud noise.
%%
You will feel hungry again in another hour.
%%
You'll be called to a post requiring ability in handling groups of people.
%%
Your boss is thinking about you.
%%
If something's not worth doing, it's not worth doing well.
%%
When everything has been seen to work, all integrated, you have four more months
of work to do.
- C. Portman of ICL Ltd.
%%
We stand today at a crossroads:  One path leads to despair and utter
hopelessness.  The other leads to total extinction.  Let us hope we have the
wisdom to make the right choice.
- Woody Allen
%%
Some people hope to achieve immortality through their works or their children.
I would prefer to achieve it by not dying.
- Woody Allen
%%
Nothing is done until nothing is done.
%%
The fourth law of thermodynamics:
The perversity of the universe tends towards a maximum.
%%
There are no saints, only unrecognized villains.
%%
There are no bugs, only unrecognized features.
%%
It may soon be time for you to look for a new line of work.
%%
Your project will be late.
%%
The CS Sage says:  Seek new employment prior to the imposition of performance
penalties on your project.
%%
You will see the light at the end of the tunnel; unfortunately, it will be
the light of an oncoming freight train.
%%
What is virtue today may be vice tomorrow.
%%
"The country needs and, unless I mistake its temper, the contry demands bold,
persistent experimentation."
- Franklin Delano Roosevelt
%%
Money talks...but all mine keeps saying is "goodbye"
%%
"No, it's 'Blessed are the meek.'  I think that's nice, 'cause really they have
a hell of a time."  - someone in the crowd in "The Life of Brian"
%%
"I think he said 'Blessed are the cheesemakers.'"  "Nonsense, he was obviously
referring to all manafacturers of dairy products." 
- two people in the crowd in "The Life of Brian"
%%
How do you make a small fortune in Texas oil?

Start with a big one.
%%
What can a pigeon do that a west Texas oil man can't do anymore?
A pigeon can still make a deposit on a new Mercedes.
%%
How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?
Two.  One to change the bulb and another to reflect on how much more gratifying
it was than a man.
%%
How many WASPs does it take to change a light bulb?
Two.  One to change the bulb and one to mix the drinks.
%%
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but it takes a really long time and the light bulb has to want
to change.
%%
How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?
Four.  One to change the bulb and three to share the experience.
%%
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None.  It's a hardware problem.
%%
To program anything that is programmable is obsession.
%%
Ill play with it first and tell you what it is later.
- Miles Davis
%%
I was in this prematurely air conditioned supermarket and there were all 
these aisles and there were these bathing caps you could buy that had these 
kind of Fourth of July plumes on them that were red and yellow and blue and
I wasn't tempted to buy one but I was reminded of the fact that I had been
avoiding the beach.
- Lucinda Childs (Philip Glass: Einstein On The Beach)
%%
Nothing is true. Everything is permitted.
- Hassan I Sabbah

Bullshit.
- Karl
%%
Don't let your mouth write no check that your tail can't cash.
- Bo Diddley
%%
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a
profound truth may well be another profound truth.
- Niels Bohr
%%
Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed.
- Southern California Oracle
%%
The most merciful thing in the world ... is the inability of the human mind to
correlate all its contents.
- H. P. Lovecraft
%%
Take what you can use and let the rest go by.
- Ken Kesey
%%
Its not the size of the ship, its the size of the waves.
- Little Richard
%%
I never loved another person the way I loved myself.
- Mae West
%%
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
- Sigmund Freud
%%
When choosing between two evils I always like to take the one I've never tried
before.
- Mae West
%%
Her life was saved by rock and roll.
- Lou Reed
%%
I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital
intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce.
- J. Edgar Hoover
%%
"Honest Officer, had I known my health stood in jeprody I would never had lit
one."     - Maxim of the Hells Angels
%%
It is a rather pleasent experience to be alone in a bank at night.
- Willie Sutton
%%
Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs painting.
- Billy Rose
%%
If you think the United States has stood still, who built the
largest shopping center in the world?
- Richard M. Nixon
%%
When I sell liquor, its called bootlegging; when my patrons serve
it on Lake Shore Drive, its called hospitality.
- Al Capone
%%
Anything anybody can say about America is true.
- Emmett Grogan
%%
Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
%%
If you've seen one city slum, you've seen them all.
- Spiro Agnew
%%
If you've seen one redwood, you've seen them all.
- Ronald Reagan
%%
If you've seen one Grand Canyon, you've seen them all.
- a member of the Monkey Wrench Gang
%%
He who shits on the road will meet flies on his return.
- South African Saying
%%
You can't underestimate the power of fear.
- Tricia Nixon
%%
The whole earth is in jail and we're plotting this incredible jailbreak.
- Wavy Gravy
%%
The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun.
- Buckminster Fuller
%%
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
Dwight D. Eisenhower
%%
College isn't the place to go for ideas.
- Hellen Keller
%%
Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective stories.
- Arthur C. Clarke
%%
America, how can I write a holy litany in your silly mood?
- Allen Ginsberg
%%
It is necessary for me to establish a winner image. Therefore, I have to beat
somebody.
- Richard M. Nixon
%%
Any smoothly functioning technology will have the appearence of magic.
- Arthur C. Clarke
%%
Justice is incedental to law and order.
- J. Edgar Hoover
%%
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
- Groucho Marx
%%
The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it.
- Abbie Hoffman
%%
Stay out of the road, if you want to grow old.
- Pink Floyd
%%
Here I am, fifty-eight, and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
- Peter Drucker
%%
How can you be two places at once when youre not anywhere at all?
- Firesign Theater
%%
I think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.
- Oscar Wilde
%%
We are what we pretend to be.
- Kurt Vonnegut, JR
%%
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
- Oscar Wilde
%%
The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong -
but thats the way to bet.
- Damon Runyon
%%
I could prove God statistically.
- George Gallup
%%
My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior
spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive
with our frail and feeble mind.
- Albert Einstein
%%
Real wealth can only increase.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
%%
Anyone can hate. it costs to love.
- John Williamson
%%
In the province of the mind, what one believes to be true either is true
or becomes true.
- John Lilly
%%
Time is an illusion perpetrated by the manufacturers of space.
- Graffiti
%%
The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible.
- Albert Einstein
%%
Nobody can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it.
- Tallulah Bankhead
%%
A physicist is an atoms way of knowing about atoms.
- George Wald
%%
Dont lose
Your head
To gain a minute
You need your head
Your brains are in it.
- Burma Shave
%%
It was always thus; and even if 'twere not, 'twould inevitably have been
always thus.
- Dean Lattimer
%%
Burnt Sienna. Thats the best thing that ever happened to Crayolas.
- Ken Weaver
%%
We don't know who discovered water, but we are certain it wasn't a fish.
- John Culkin
%%
Try to be the best of what you are, even if what you are is no good.
- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
I waited and waited, and when no message came, I knew it must have been from
you.
- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
Please don't lie to me, unless youre absolutely sure Ill never find out the
truth.
- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
Please don't ask me what the score is, Im not even sure what the game is.
- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.
- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.
- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
I don't have any solution, but I certainly admire the problem.
- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
Maybe Im lucky to be going so slowly, because I may be going in the 
wrong direction.
- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
By doing just a little every day, I can gradually let the task completely
overwhelm me.
- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the
target.
- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without
civilization in between.
- Oscar Wilde
%%
The flush toilet is the basis of Western civilization.
- Alan Coult
%%
If the aborigine drafted an IQ test, all of Western civilization would
presumably flunk it.
- Stanley Garn
%%
The world looks as if it has been left in the custody of trolls.
- Father Robert F. Capon
%%
Sure there are dishonest men in local government. But there are dishonest
men in national government too.
- Richard M. Nixon
%%
We are going to have peace even if we have to fight for it.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
%%
If we make peaceful revolution impossible, we make violent revolution
inevitiable.
- John F. Kennedy
%%
"Contrariwise", continued Tweedledee, "If it was so, it might be; and if
it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. Thats logic."
- Lewis Carroll
%%
It takes a long time to understand nothing.
- Edward Dahlberg
%%
To know the world one must construct it.
- Cesare Pavese
%%
Eeny Meeny, Jelly Beanie, the spirits are about to speak.
- Bullwinkle Moose
%%
The mistake you make is in trying to figure it out.
- Tenessee Williams
%%
An object never serves the same function as its image- or its name.
- Rene Magritte
%%
All I kin say is when you finds yo'self wanderin' in a peach orchard,
ya don't go lookin' for rutabagas.
- Kingfish
%%
He who wonders discovers that this in itself is wonder.
- M. C. Escher
%%
Law of Computability Applied to Social Sciences:
 If at first you don't suceed, transform your data set.
%%
Laws of Computer Programming
(1) Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
(2) Any given program costs more and takes longer.
(3) If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
(4) If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
(5) Any given program will expand to fill all available memory.
(6) The value of a program is porportional to the 
    weight of its output.
(7) Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the
    programmer who must maintain it.
(8) Make it possible for programmers to write programs in
    English, and you will find that programmers cannot write
    in English.
- SIGPLAN Notices, Vol 2 No 2
%%
When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results.
- Calvin Coolidge
%%
The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.
- Paul Erlich
%%
If A equals success, then the formula is:
   A= X + Y + Z
X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.
- Albert Einstein
%%
Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you wont either.
- Joseph Fischer
%%
Fourth Law of Thermodymanics:
 If the probability of success is not almost one, then it is damn near zero.
- David Ellis
%%
Frouds Law:
 A transistor protected by a fast acting fuse will protect the fuse by blowing
 first.
%%
Fullers Law of Cosmic Irreversibility:
 1 Pot T == 1 Pot P
 1 Pot P != 1 Pot T
- R. Buckminster Fuller
%%
The meek shall inherit the earth, but not its mineral rights.
- J. Paul Getty
%%
Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he encounters needs
pounding.
- Abraham Kaplan
%%
The fault lies not with our technologies but with our systems.
- Roger Levian
%%
Under any conditions, anywhere, whatever you are doing, there is some ordinance
under which you can be booked.
- Robert D. Sprecht (Rand Corp)
%%
Thoreau's Law:
 If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intent of doing you good,
 you should run for your life.
%%
Vique's Law:
 A man without religion is like a fish without a bicycle.
%%
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs,
then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
- Gerald Weinberg  (sysop's note: bull)
%%
Zimmerman's Law of Complaints:
Nobody notices when things go right.
%%
Real knowledge is to know the extent of ones ignorance.
- Confucius
%%
Whoso diggeth a pit shall fall therein.
Book of Proverbs
%%
It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
- Mark Twain
%%
The unnatural, that too is natural.
- Goethe
%%
I used to be indecisive; now Im not sure.
- Graffiti
%%
I had a monumental idea this morning, but I didn't like it.
- Samuel Goldwyn
%%
He hasn't one redeeming vice.
- Oscar Wilde
%%
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
- Graffiti
%%
(To Walter Cronkite):
"Well Walter, I believe that the Good Lord gave us a finite number 
of heartbeats and I'm damned if I'm going to use up mine running 
up and down a street"
- Neil Armstrong
%%
"You doubted Me," God tells the Lawgiver [Moses], "But I forgave 
you that doubt. You doubted your own self and failed to believe 
in your own powers as a leader, and I forgave you that also. But 
you lost faith in these people and doubted the divine possibilities 
of Human Nature. THIS loss of faith makes it impossible for 
you to enter the Promised Land."
- The Midrash
%%
" 'Martyrdom' is the only way a person can become famous without ability"
- George Bernard Shaw
%%
"Science has proof without any certainty. Creationists have certainty 
without any proof"
- Ashley Montague
%%
Birth, copulation and death.
That's all the facts when you come to brass tacks;
Birth, copulation and death.
- T. S. Elliot, Sweeney Agonistes (1932)
%%
"Make no little plans. They have no Magic to stir Men's blood."
- D. B. Hudson
%%
"Software suppliers are trying to make their software packages more
'user-friendly'.... Their best approach, so far, has been to take 
all the old brochures, and stamp the words, 'user-friendly' on the cover."
- Bill Gates, Pres., Microsoft, Inc.
%%
Bradley's Bromide:
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee...
 that will do them in.
%%
Civilization Law #1:
Civilization advances by extending the number of important operations
one can do without thinking about them.
%%
Ketterling's Law:
Logic is an organized way of going wrong with confidence.
%%
"Whenever 'A' attempts by law to impose his moral standards upon 'B',
'A' is most likely a scoundrel"
- H. L. Mencken
%%
"The government of the United States is not in any sense founded 
on the Christian Religion"
- George Washington
%%
"In every country and every age, the priest has been hostile to Liberty."
 - Thomas Jefferson
%%
"During almost fifteen centuries the legal establishment of Christianity has
been upon trial. What has been its fruits? More or less, in all places, pride
and indolence in the clergy; ignorance and servility in the laity,; in both,
superstition, bigotry, and persecution."
 - James Madison
%%
"Money, not morality, is the principle commerce of civilized nations"
 - Thomas Jefferson
%%
"We must all hang together, or we will surely all hang separately"
 - Benjamin Franklin
%%
"Where a new invention promises to be useful, it ought to be tried"
- Thomas Jefferson
%%
"Assuming that either the left wing or the right wing gained 
control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles"
- Pat Paulsen
%%
"An intellectual is someone whose mind watches itself"
- Albert Camus
%%
"Six years for possession of a cigarette?...I got six months for possession
of a deadly weapon!"
- cartoon by S. Harris
%%
The Swartzberg Test:
 The validity of a science is its ability to predict.
%%
"There is no choice before us. Either we must Succeed in providing 
the rational coordination of impulses and guts, or for centuries 
civilization will sink into a mere welter of minor excitements. 
We must provide a Great Age or see the collapse of the upward 
striving of the human race"
- Alfred North Whitehead
%%
"My own life has been spent chronicling the rise and fall of 
human systems, and I am convinced that we are terribly 
vulnerable.... We should be reluctant to turn back upon the 
frontier of this epoch. Space is indifferent to what we 
do; it has no feeling, no design, no interest in whether 
or not we grapple with it. But we cannot be indifferent to 
space, because the grand, slow march of intelligence has brought 
us, in our generation, to a point from which we can explore and 
understand and utilize it. To turn back now would be to deny 
our history, our capabilities."
- James A. Michener
%%
"What does it take for Americans to do great things; to go 
to the moon, to win wars, to dig canals linking oceans, to 
build railroads across a continent? In independent thought 
about this question, Neil Armstrong and I concluded that it 
takes a coincidence of four conditions, or in Neil's view, 
the simultaneous peaking of four of the many cycles of American 
life. First, a base of technology must exist from which to do 
the thing to be done. Second, a period of national uneasiness 
about America's place in the scheme of human activities must 
exist. Third, some catalytic event must occur that focuses 
the national attention upon the direction to proceed. Finally, 
an articulate and wise leader must sense these first three 
conditions and put forth with words and action the great thing 
to be accomplished. The motivation of young Americans to do what 
needs to be done flows from such a coincidence of conditions.... 
The Thomas Jeffersons, The Teddy Roosevelts, The John Kennedys 
appear. We must begin to create the tools of leadership which 
they, and thier young frontiersmen, will require to lead us 
onward and upward."
- Dr. Harrison H. Schmidt, Sen., New Mexico
%%
"What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick!"
 - Bill Kirchenbaum, comedian -
%%
"To err is human, to compute divine. Trust your computer but not its programmer"
- Morris Kingston
%%
"I've seen many politicians paralyzed in the legs as myself, but I've seen more
of them who were paralyzed in the head"
- George Wallace
%%
"You don't have to explain something you never said"
- Calvin Coolidge
%%
"A little caution outflanks a large cavalry"
- Bismarck
%%
"A billion here, a billion there, sooner or later it adds up to real money"
- Everett Dirksen
%%
"The personal computer market is about the same size as the 
total potato chip market. Next year it will be about half the 
size of the pet food market and is fast approaching the total 
worldwide sales of pantyhose"
 - James Finke, Pres., Commodore Int'l Ltd.(1982)
%%
"I like a man who grins when he fights."
- Winston Churchill
%%
"There are a lot of lies going around.... and half of them are true."
- Winston Churchill
%%
"Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most times he will pick
himself up and carry on..."
- Winston Churchill
%%
"God runs electromagnetics by wave theory on Monday, Wednesday, 
and Friday, and the Devil runs them by quantum theory on Tuesday, 
Thursday, and Saturday."
- William Bragg
%%
"Pioneering basically amounts to finding new and more horrible ways to die"
- John W. Campbell
%%
"That man is richest whose pleasures are cheapest"
- Thoreau (Sysop's note: and if so, what are we doing here?)
%%
Life is not one thing after another.... it's the same damn thing over and over!
%%
The meek will inherit the Earth..... The rest of us will go to the stars.
%%
After all is said and done, a lot more has been said than done.
%%
Beauty is only skin deep, but Ugly goes straight to the bone.
%%
There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
%%
Any given program, when running correctly, is obsolete.
%%
Tell a man that there are 300 billion stars in the universe, and he'll believe
you.... Tell him that a bench has wet paint upon it and he'll have to touch it
to be sure.
%%
Sex is like snow... You never know how many inches you're going to get or how
long it will last.
%%
What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
%%
Love is a matter of chemistry, but Sex is a matter of physics.
%%
"Discovery consists in seeing what everyone else has seen and thinking what no
one else has thought."
- Albert Szent-Gyorgi
%%
"Revolution is the opiate of the intellectuals"
- "Oh, Lucky Man"
%%
I really hate this damn machine,
I wish that they would sell it.
It never does just what I want,
But only what I tell it.
%%
"Fantasy, abandoned by reason, produces impossible monsters; 
united with it, she is the mother of the arts and the origin of marvels"
- Goya
%%
"Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon 
the wall instead of using it"
- Gordon R. Dickson
%%
"Civilization is a movement, not a condition; it is a voyage, not a harbor."
- Toynbee
%%
"We have met the enemy and he is us"
- Walt Kelly (in POGO)
%%
-- 
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-- karl@sugar.uu.net |  interest, not to say contempt."  -- Zaphod Beeblebrox IV
-- Usenet BBS (713) 438-5018