93 lines
3.6 KiB
Plaintext
93 lines
3.6 KiB
Plaintext
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L.U.C.I.P.H.E.R.
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presents....
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____________________________________________________
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/ \
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\ T O P T E N /
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/ G O E S \
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\ T O /
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/ C O L L E G E \
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\ /
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/ By: The Deth Vegetable \
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\____________________________________________________/
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So your trying to decide on a College, huh? If so this guide should
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help you decide what NOT to look for.
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/---------------------------------------------\
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! Top Ten Things NOT to look for in a college !
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\---------------------------------------------/
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10) 99% of all applicants are accepted.
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9) The only sports are intramural bowling, and dwarf-tossing.
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8) The dorms were built over a graveyard.
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7) It has the Guiness's record for largest numbers of unexplained deaths.
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6) Drive-thru Graduation.
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5) Contests where they give away a P.H.D. for 753 Fruit Loops's box tops.
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4) Bars on the windows and doors.
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3) Their 'big' class is Ancient Hungarian Cabinet Making.
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2) Ancient Hungarian Cabinets.
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1) Clown Vomit.
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/----------------------------------------------\
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! Top Ten Things NOT to look for in a roommate !
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\----------------------------------------------/
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10) Oozing lesions.
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9) People with a `weird thing' for fires.
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8) Uncontrolable nose dripping.
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7) Someone who's never heard of Nintendo.
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6) Practices routine ritual sacrifices.
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5) An actual SUSCRIBER to PBS.
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4) Someone who's last 15 roommates have mysteriously disappeared.
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3) He keeps clown vomit in his back pocket.
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2) Wears 'Depends Undergarments' for the fun of it.
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1) Preforms bizarre sexual practices with livestock.
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/---------------------------------------------\
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! Top Ten Sports NOT to look for in a college !
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\---------------------------------------------/
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10) Division II scrabble for illiterates.
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9) Dwarf Tossing.
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8) Full contact lacrosse for the simple minded.
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7) Hand-Grenade volleyball.
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6) Dwarf Bowling.
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5) Weightlifting lepers.
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4) Knitting.
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3) Speed Skating for the Uncoordinated.
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2) Ugly People Baseball.
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1) Nude Dwarf Bowling for the Illiterate ugly people with Leprosy.
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/------------------------------------------\
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! Top Ten Societies NOT to join at College !
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\------------------------------------------/
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10) Genghis Kahn Civility Club.
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9) Nude Dwarf Bowling for the Illiterate ugly people with leprosy of America.
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8) Wicked Stupid People 'R' We.
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7) Kleptomaniac Society.
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6) Lepers Society (watch for handouts!).
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5) Ugly People of Amerika.
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4) Social Disease of the Month Club.
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3) Union of Ancient Hungarian Cabinet Makers.
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2) Brotherhood of the Flame (AKA, Pyromaniacs Anonymous)
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1) Illiterates of Amerika Uknighted.
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well, thats about it, we here at LUCIPHER hope that weve done something
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to influence your life.. now if we could only convince you to start a
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popular revolution.......
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#/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\#
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@ Call these Boards: @
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@--------------------------@
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@ The Works: 617-861-8976 @
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@ 2500+ Text Files.. @
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@--------------------------@
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@ DSOTM: xxx-xxx-xxxx @
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@ Home of 'El Salvador' @
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#\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/#
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