117 lines
5.9 KiB
Plaintext
117 lines
5.9 KiB
Plaintext
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File: HOW TO MAKE AN ATOM BOMB
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CONSTRUCTION PROJECT:
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ATOMIC BOMB
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The following paper is taken from The Journal of Irreproducible Results,
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Volume 25/Number 4/1979-P.O.Box 234 Chicago Heights,Illinois 60411.
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Subscriptions are 1 year for $3.70
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1. INTRODUCTION
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Worldwide controversy has been generated recently from several court
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decisions in the United States which have restricted popular magazines from
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printing articles which describe how to make an atomic bomb. The reason
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usually given by the courts is that national security would be compromised
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if such information were generally available. But, since it is commonly known
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that all of the information is publicly available in most major metropolitan
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libraries, obviously the court's officially stated position is covering up a
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more important factor; namely, that such atomic devices would prove too
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difficult for the average citizen to construct. The United States courts
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cannot afford to insult the vast majorities by insinuating that they do not
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have the intelligence of a cabbage, and thus the "official" press releases
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claim national security as a blanket restriction.
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The rumors that have unfortunately occurred as a result of widespread
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misinformation can (and must) be cleared up now, for the construction project
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this month is the construction of a thermonuclear device, which will hopefully
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clear up any misconceptions you might have about such a project. We will see
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how easy it is to make a device of your very own in ten easy steps, to have and
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hold as you see fit, without annoying interference from the government or the
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courts.
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The project will cost between $5,000 and $30,000 dollars, depending on how
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fancyyou want the final product to be. Since last week's column, "Let's Make
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a TimeMachine", was received so well in the new step-by-step format, this
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month's column will follow the same format.
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2. CONSTRUCTION METHOD
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1. First, obtain about 50 pounds (110 kg) of weapons grade Plutonium at your
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local supplier (see NOTE 1). A nuclear power plant is not recommended, as
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large quantities of missing Plutonium tends to make plant engineers unhappy.
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We suggest that you contact your local terrorist organization, or perhaps the
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Junior Achievement in your neighborhood.
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2. Please remember that Plutonium, especially pure, refined Plutonium, is
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somewhat dangarous. Wash your hands with soap and warm water after handling
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the material, and don't allow your children or pets to play in it or eat it.
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Any left over Plutonium dust is excellent as an insect repellant. You may wish
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to keep the substance in a lead box if you can find one in your local junk
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yard, but an old coffee can will do nIcely.
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3. Fashion together a metal enclosure to house the device. Most common
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varieties of sheet metal can be bent to disguise this enclosure as, for
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example, a briefcase, alunch pail, or a Buick. Do not use tinfoil.
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4. Arrange the Plutonium into two hemispheral shapes, separated by about 4
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cm. Use rubber cement to hold thePlutonium dust together. Gelignite is much
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better,but messier to work with. Your helpful hardware man will be happy to
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provide you withthis item.
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6. Pack the TNT around the hemisphere arrangement constructed in step 4. If
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you cannot find Gelignite, feel free to use TNT packed in with Playdo or any
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modeling clay. Colored clay is acceptable, but there is no need to get fancy
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at this point.
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7. Enclose the structure from step 6 into the enclosure made in step 3. Use
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a strong glue such as "Crazy Glue" to bind the hemisphere arrangement against
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the enclosure to prevent accidental detonation which might result from
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vibration or mishandling.
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8. To detonate the device, obtain a radio controlled (RC) servo mechanism, as
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found in RC model airplanes and cars. With a minimum of effort, a remote
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plunger can be made that will strike a detonator cap to effect a small
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explosion. These detonator caps can be found in the electrical supply section
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of your local supermarket. We recommend the "Blast-O-Mactic" brand because
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they are no deposit-no return.
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9. Now hide the completed device from the neighbors and children. The garage
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is not recommended because of high humidity and the extreme range of
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temperatures experienced there. Nuclear devices have been known to
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spontaneousLy detonate in these unstable conditions. The hall closet or under
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the kitchen sink will be perfectly suitable.
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10. Now you are the proud owner of a working thermonuclear device! It is a
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great ice-breaker at parties, and in a pinch, can be used for national defense.
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3. THEORY OF OPERATION
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The device basically works when the detonated TNT compresses the Plutonium
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into a critical mass. The critical mass then produces a nuclear chain reaction
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similar to the domino chain reaction (discussed in this column, "Dominos on the
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March" March, 1968). The chain reaction then promptly produces a big
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thermonuclear reaction. And there you have it, a 10 megaton explosion!
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4. NEXT MONTH'S COLUMN
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In next month's column, we will learn how to clone your neighbor's wife in
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six easy steps. This project promises to be an exciting weekend full of fun
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and profit. Common kitchen utensils will be all you need. See you next month!
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5. NOTES
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1. Plutonium (PU), atomic number 94, is a radioactive metaLlic element formed
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bythe decay of Neptunium and is similar in chemical structure to Uranium,
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Saturium, Jupiternium, and Marsium.
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6. PREVIOUS MONTH'S COLUMNS
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1. Let's Make Test Tube Babies! May, 1979
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2. Let's Make a Solar System! June, 1979
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3. Let's Make an Economic Recession! July, 1979
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4. Let's Make an Anti-Gravity Machine! August, 1979
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5. Let's Make Contact with an Alien Race! September, 1979
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Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open
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