60 lines
3.2 KiB
Plaintext
60 lines
3.2 KiB
Plaintext
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HOPING "SPACE" IS A VERB
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By M.L. Verb
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My official application from NASA's "Journalist-in-Space" program has
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arrived. It's my ticket to space.
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NASA plans to launch a journalist into the sky (on a space shuttle, I hope)
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late next year, and I intend to be the victim. Writing about the mysterious
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blackness of space excites me. The only thing I can compare it to is writing
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about the mysterious blackness of a national political convention or a city
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council meeting.
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More than a year ago, when I first heard of the possibility of sending a
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journalist into space, I wrote an essay listing my qualifications. One of my
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main attributes, I said, is that I do not in any way fear writing about all the
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nothing out in space since in my career I have proven I can fill up whole
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columns writing about nothing. I then sent this essay to NASA, which simply
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responded with a form letter saying applications aren't yet being accepted.
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When I heard they finally were available I sent in for an application,
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despite the embarrassing fact that my newspaper has editorialized against
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sending a journalist into space. (I've also voted against people we've
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endorsed.)
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So far I've had a chance only to glance at the package of NASA stuff, but
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already it looks good for me. I meet all the requirements with the possible
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exception of having "the approval and stated support" of my employer. But
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surely they won't count off much for so small a fault as that.
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Also, I'm looking over the national selection panel list, and I couldn't have
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chosen a better group. I'm on a first-name basis with three of the 15 people,
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have met several others and only once quoted one of them in a way that got him
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and me into trouble. Maybe I can put them all on my Christmas card list.
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The "evaluation criteria" look like a snap, too. For instance, one measure
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will be "evidence of peer recognition." Heck, I have peers all over the country
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who, when they see me, recognize me right off, call me by name and ask how my
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wife and kids are.
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The judges also want "examples of work that demonstrates . .an ability to
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report or comment on the uncommon event. . ." No problem. That's what I do
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for a living every single working day. Several of the uncommon events I
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comment on have even occurred.
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Let's see what else is in this package. Here's something about a "background
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investigation" for "security requirements." I may be in trouble. My background
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is full of questionable oddities, and I may as well confess them: I once
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dressed up like George Washington and walked around my hometown trying to drum
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up business for local stores. Worse, I got paid for it. I have shaken hands
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with the Rev. Sun Myung Moon. I often split my ticket. I once chatted with
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Billy Carter in Plains, Ga. And--maybe most scandalous--I have owned
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foreign-made cars. (But only one at a time and none now.)
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This application has to be in by mid-January, and includes two essay
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questions. (Wonder why no True and False?) Anyway I'll be taking some time off
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over the holidays to finish it up. And I'd appreciate it if you didn't call me
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at home much then. When I get the application done I'll mostly be up on the
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bathroom scale practicing weightlessness.
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