61 lines
3.1 KiB
Plaintext
61 lines
3.1 KiB
Plaintext
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I was on my way to the post office to pick up my case of free
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M&M's (sent to me because I forwarded an e-mail to five other
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people,
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celebrating the fact that the year 2000 is "MM" in Roman
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numerals), when I ran into a friend whose neighbor, a young man,
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was home recovering from having been served a rat in his bucket
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of Kentucky Fried Chicken (which is predictable, since as
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everyone knows, there's no actual chicken in Kentucky Fried
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Chicken, which is why the government made them change their name
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to KFC).
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Anyway, one day this guy went to sleep and when he awoke he was
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in his bathtub and it was full of ice and he was sore all over
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and when he got out of the tub he realized that HIS KIDNEY HAD
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BEEN STOLEN. He saw a note on his mirror that said "Call 911!"
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but he was afraid to use his phone because it was connected to
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his computer, and there was a virus on his computer that would
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destroy his hard drive if he opened an e-mail entitled "Join the
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crew!" He knew it wasn't a hoax because he himself was a computer
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programmer who was working on software to prevent a global
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disaster in which all the computers get together and distribute
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the $250.00 Neiman-Marcus cookie recipe under the leadership of
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Bill Gates. (It's true - I read it all last week in a mass
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e-mail from BILL GATES HIMSELF, who was also promising me a
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free Disney World vacation and $5,000 if I would forward the
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e-mail to everyone I know.)
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The poor man then tried to call 911 from a pay phone to report
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his missing kidneys, but a voice on the line first asked him to
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press #90, which unwittingly gave the bandit full access to the
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phone line at the guy's expense. Then reaching into the
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coin-return slot he got jabbed with an HIV-infected needle around
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which was wrapped a note that said, "Welcome to the world of
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AIDS." Luckily he was only a few
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blocks from the hospital - the one where that little boy who is
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dying of cancer is, the one whose last wish is for everyone in
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the world to send him an e-mail and the American Cancer Society
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has agreed to pay him a nickel for every e-mail he receives. I
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sent him two e-mails and one of them was a bunch of x's and o's
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in the shape of an angel (if you get it and forward it to more
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than10 people, you will have good luck but for 10 people only you
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will only have OK luck and if you send it to fewer than 10
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people you will have BAD LUCK FOR SEVEN YEARS).
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So anyway the poor guy tried to drive himself to the hospital,
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but on the way he noticed another car driving without its lights
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on. To be helpful, he flashed his lights at him and was promptly
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shot as part of a gang initiation.
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Send THIS to all the friends who send you their mail and you will
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receive 4 green M&Ms -- if you don't, the owner of Proctor and
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Gamble will report you to his Satanist friends and you will have
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more bad luck: you will get sick from the Sodium Laureth Sulfate
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in your shampoo,
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your spouse/mate will develop a skin rash from using the
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antiperspirant which clogs the pores under your arms, and the
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U.S. government will put a tax on your e-mails forever.
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I know this is all true 'cause I read it on the Internet!!'
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