textfiles/humor/COMPUTER/geeks

           GIUDE TO BBS GEEKS

[1] LOGGING ON AS A NEW USER

    A TYPICAL GEEK WILL TRY ABOUT 
10 DIFFERENT NAMES TILL HE FINDS 
A DUMB NAME LIKE "CAPTAIN BOB".  

    A TYPICAL GEEK WILL ENTER 291-
4970 AT THE NUMBER INPUT INSTEAD OF
504-291-4970 EVEN AFTER IT SAYS
"ENTER IN THE XXX-XXX-XXXX FORMAT" 
. HE WILL USUALLY DO THIS FOR ABOUT 
10 TIMES ALSO TILL THE SYSOP COMES
IN AND HELPS.  

   A TYPICAL GEEK WILL NOT WRITE DOWN
HIS ACCOUNT EVEN AFTER IT WAS GIVEN
TWICE.  THEN LOGON 1 WEEK LATER AND
WONDER WHY HIS ACCOUNT DOESNT WORK.

  
   A TYPICAL GEEK WILL LOGON AND GET
MORE THEN ONE ACCOUNT WITH THE SYSTEM
AND TELL THE SYSOP HIS DOG ATE THE 
PAPER THAT THE FIRST ACCOUNT WAS ON.


[2] MESSAGES

    A TYPICAL GEEK WILL NOT FIGURE OUT
THAT "S" STANDS FOR SCAN AND TRY
EVERY OTHER LETTER IN THE ALAPHABET.

    A TYPICAL GEEK WILL THINK SINCE HE
CAN'T SEEM TO SCAN MESSAGES THAT 
THERE ARE NO MESSAGES AND CALL THE 
BBS A PIECE OF JUNK.  

    A TYPICAL GEEK WILL NOT UNDERSTAND
THAT MESSAGES ABOUT CRACKING BELONG
ON THE CRACKING BOARD AND MESSAGES ON
WARES BELONG ON THE PIRATE BOARD.  
THEN HE WILL WONDER WHY HIS MESSAGE
GOT DELETED.  
  

   A TYPICAL GEEK WILL NEVER USE 
QUICKSCAN.

   A TYPICAL GEEK WILL POST MESSAGES  
SUCH AS "HOW DO I PHREAK?", AND THEN   
WONDER WHY NO ONE ANSWERS. 

   A TYPICAL GEEK NEVER POSTS MESSAGES.

   A TYPICAL GEEK ASKS HOW TO BACKSPACE
IN MESSAGES.  REAL USERS HAVE MORE  
IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO.


[3] EMAIL

    A TYPICAL GEEK SENDS MESSAGES TO  
SOMOEONE THATS NOT EVEN ON THE BBS.

    A TYPICAL GEEK SENDS MESSAGES TO 
THE SYSOP VIA EMAIL.

  
    A TYPICAL GEEK DOESN'T USE THE 
"R"EPLY FUNCTION .    

    A TYPICAL GEEK SENDS EMAIL TO  
USERS HE THAT ARE WAY ABOVE HIS LEVEL,
AND EXPECTS THEM TO GIVE OUT PROGRAMS.

    A TYPICAL GEEK FILLS UP A USERS
MAILBOX WITH THE SAME LETTERS. 


[4] PAGING SYSOPS

    A TYPICAL GEEK PAGES THE SYSOP 
ABOUT 20 TIMES EVEN AFTER THE PAGE
HAS TOLD HIM NOT TOO.

    A TYPICAL GEEK PAGES THE SYSOP 
AROUND 3 A.M. AND EXPECTST HE SYSOP 
TO COME ANSWER.

    A TYPICAL GEEK PAGES THE SYSOP
ON FRIDAY OR SATURDAY NIGHT.  COOL
  
SYSOPS ARENT HOME ON THOSE NIGHTS.

    A TYPICAL GEEK PAGES THE SYSOP
RIGHT AFTER THEY ARE THROUGH CHATTING
TO ASK HIM ANOTHER DUMB QUESTION.

    A TYPICAL GEEK TYPES REAL SLOW.


[5] MISCELLANOUS STUFF

    A TYPICAL GEEK CALLS BACK AFTER 
THE SYSTEM HAS TOLD HIM ALL HIS CALLS
ARE USED UP.

    A TYPICAL GEEK NEVER USES "O".

    A TYPICAL GEEK TRYS TO PUT UP HIS
OWN LAME BBS CAUSE HE THINKS ITS NEAT.
THESE BBS USUALLY STAY UP FOR ABOUT
2 OR 3 DAYS CAUSE THE SYSOP FOUND OUT
THAT HIS USERS ARE WAY ABOVE HIS HEAD.

  
    A TYPICAL GEEK FILLS UP THE DISK
SPACE WITH USUAL MESSAGES LIKE
"CRACKILG BEAGLE BROS.", THAT HE 
THINKS WILL BE HELPFUL.

    A TYPICAL GEEK USES NETWORKERS
AND WONDERS WHY HE CAN'T GET 
DISKFER TO WORK.

    A TYPICAL GEEK READS THE SAME TEXT
FILES OVER AND OVER AGAIN CAUSE HE 
DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO USE THE BUFFER.




CONCLUSION
----------

AS IN "PIRATES GUIDE" GEEKS ALWAYS
FIND NEW WAYS OF BEING GEEKS.
IF I HAVE OFFENDED ANYONE IN THIS 
FILE THEN MAYBE YOU MIGHT WANT TO
  
STOP DOING THOSE THINGS.  MOST OF 
THE THINGS IN THE FILE ANGER SYSOPS,
AND IF YOU WANT HIGH ACCESS I 
SUGGEST YOU DON'T DO THEM.  I WILL
BE PUTTING OUT A "GEEK USERS II"
LATER ON.