126 lines
3.4 KiB
Plaintext
126 lines
3.4 KiB
Plaintext
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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+bsUBS Simulation+
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Written By: Amra and The Rand(0)miser
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+Hyborian AE [206] 522-2508+
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ATT
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OK
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ATD 7843216 (His first mistake.)
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CONNECT
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As the shrill whistle of your modem's carrier subsides, you realize that this
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is the high point in your stupid little life. As you slime towards your
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keyboard, a large aphid appears in direct retrospect with your asshole and
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violates you with a paperclip. You are now sure that you have connected with
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bsUBS, (c) Copyright 1985 Utterly Boring Systems.
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bsUBS
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11bit 8,1,300b
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(c) Copyright 1985
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* stop *
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Enter bsUBS ID:NEW
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Sorry, we are not accepting new users unless you fork over $75.
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Send AT LEAST $75 to bsUBS immediately.
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Goodbye.
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{Click}
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~zNO CARRIER
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(After a few months of scrounging, the looze finally pulls together
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$75 and sends it in with his password.)
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ATD 7843216
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<pulse><pulse>(He forgot ATT)
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CONNECT
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You see a large Overlord coming towards you, snot dripping from his nose. As
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he approaches you, he wipes it off on his sleave and takes a pull off his bong.
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He says in a very harsh and scratchy voice, "Welcome to bsUBS. Give me money."
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You realize that if you refuse h* stop *
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Enter bsUBS ID:7
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Incorrect entry. Try ag* stop*
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* sysop on line * (It's Ron.)
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Hey dude, how's it going? Thanks for the money, it helped me buy the newest
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floyd record which rocks mass. Gerard and I really will use your money well.
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Did I ever tell you about my newest invention, the rolling cursor? I am
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working on a new one now, it is called the linear message base. You see, it
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works this way:
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(Blah blah blah for ten minutes at ten characters/second. A good time to
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order a pizza and go wait by the door for it. Unpolite? Well, Ron'll
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never notice. He will still be talking when you get done with the pizza
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and have made a prize winning video tape of youself growing a beard.)
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(The looze finally gets to type, now that Ron has passed out.)
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HELLO?
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HELLO???
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HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?!!?!?!!?@!1!?@!?!?1?111?!!!
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^G ^G ^G...
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Uh, thanks for waking me up. What do you want now?
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YES, MR. SYSOP, I SENT YOU MONEY AND MY PASSWORD DOESN'T WORK. WHY?
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Well, you see, we raised the price since you sent it in so we deleted you. You
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need $100 more to get basic validation.
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BUT BUT BU
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Dude, I'll tell you what, I'll let you on to try it out as long as you send me
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the extra $100. ok?
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OK. THANX
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here goes...
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Message Parlor:
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(The Terminator is here.)
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(The Assassin is here.)
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(Mark Moberly Falcone is here.)
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* Time limit has been exceeded *
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Now logging off Silent Knight....
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On your first call, you've killed 0 monsters, and 0 users, and are rated in
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the 0.0000001 percentile. Thank you for calling, and don't forget to send in
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more money.
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As you board your covered wagon and drive off into the prairie, you notice a
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man in black leotard and satin slippers calling your name. You answer, and he
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says in a sweet voice: "Come back soon, honey!"
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{Click}
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~zNO CARRIER
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None of this would have happened if he had just called ATC.
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