109 lines
4.3 KiB
Plaintext
109 lines
4.3 KiB
Plaintext
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BASTARD OPERATOR FROM HELL #12
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I get to work and I'm a bit tired so I plug a thick hunk of copper across
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the three phase supply and throw the switch. The room is plunged into
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darkness as the circuit breakers trip and for once the machine room is silent.
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I like it.
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I pop the phone off the hook and close the curtains on the observation window.
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Now it's *really* dark in there. I wouldn't be surprised if someone had an
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accident in here..
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I lift a couple of floor tiles up in the darkness and call our maintenance
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contractors saying the mini popped the breaker again, then replace the fuses
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in it with a couple of nails and short the power supply to ground. You can't
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just hope for this sort of thing, you've got to MAKE it happen.
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15 minutes later the engineer arives and falls down the hole. I pop the floor
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tiles back on just as the System Manager (a new and very thorough individual)
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comes in, telling me to watch out, someone could really hurt themselves in the
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dark...
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I nod & tell him that we can't really afford all the downtime, and should I
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just throw the breaker and hope that there was no major fault. After thinking
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about the negative publicity we're getting already, he makes the last decision
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of his short career and tells me to go ahead.
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Later, when the smoke clears I examine the smoking remains of the mini. Not
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a pretty sight...
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"Strange that the breaker jammed shut, isn't it?" I say to our manager as he
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packs up the personal things in his office. "One in a million chance. A pity
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that someone saw what you did and posted the whole story to comp.misc. You'll
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be lucky to get a job managing a car computer after all that publicity..."
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I go back to the machine room and throw the rest of the breakers to liven
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everything up, then login and start deleting users' email. I spot an
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interesting off-the-record sexual proposition from our male consultant to a
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member of the men's swim team which will make a good motd, so I copy it there,
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modify root's owner name to be "Winker" and password to be "ljkadlkajflkj"
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(then call the big boss to report a suspected intrusion). Should be at least
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a couple of hours of login time before we can sort that out. In the meantime,
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people are just going to have to read that message...
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I realise the message has been read when I hear the gunshot from behind the
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consultant's closed door.
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I edit the online helpdesk information and change the phone number to the
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System Manager's - he'll probably appreciate the extra calls at such a sad
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time...
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I hear another shot and realise he won't be answering any calls today.
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I put the phone back on the hook and flip today's excuse card. "Poor power
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conditioning". Too plausible. "STATIC BUILDUP". Still a bit too plausible
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for my liking, but I don't want to run out of cards before the end of the
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year, so I decide to run with it.
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The phone rings almost as soon as I've got "Top Gun" in the video machine so
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I pause the video and put the phone on hands-free.
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"I think I've bought a bad floppy disk"
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"Yes?" I wonder if I've suddenly become the consumer's watchdog?
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"Well, I've got this disk and it won't format. All the others in the box did
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so I thought I must have a bad disk"
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"Why are you calling me about this?" I ask
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"Well, the disk says guaranteed; where do I go to get a replacement?"
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Ah! Of course.
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"Well, let's see. Are you sure it's the disk, and not just some problem with
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static buildup?"
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"Huh?"
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"Static Buildup, you know, static electricity that's passed from you to the
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computer"
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"But I'm wearing a wrist strap!"
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Around about now I realise I'm deep in dweeb country. Wrist straps aren't
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fashion accessories in my part of town...
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"Of course you are, but your average wrist strap has a 1 meg resistor in
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series with it, a *really* poor earth. What you need is a direct earth
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connection. Hang onto the frame of something that's earthed properly."
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"What, you mean like our stainless steel bench?"
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"Excellent. Now, have you got a paper clip to discharge the static with?"
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"Hang on. Yeah"
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"Ok, with your other hand, poke the clip thru the ventilation holes at the back
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of the unit, and just touch the contact at the end of the thick red wire."
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"The one going to the power supply?"
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"Yep, that's it"
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"....Hey, isn't that the li... >kzzzzt!< >clunk<"
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Another call solved by the helpdesk from hell...
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spt@grace.waikato.ac.nz
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