133 lines
7.1 KiB
Plaintext
133 lines
7.1 KiB
Plaintext
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How To Create A New Indentity By The Walking Glitch
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Courtesy of the Jolly Roger!
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You might be saying, "Hey Glitch, what do I need a new identity for?"
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The answer is simple. You might want to go buy liquor somewhere, right?
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You might want to go give the cops the false name when you get busted
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so you keep your good name, eh? You might even want to use the new
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identity for getting a P.O. Box for carding. Sure! You might even
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want the stuff for renting yourself a VCR at some dickless loser of a
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convenience store. Here we go:
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Getting a new ID isn't always easy, no one said it would be. By following
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these steps, any bozo can become a new bozo in a coupla weeks.
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STEP 1
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The first step is to find out who exactly you'll become. The
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most secure way is to use someone's ID who doesn't use it themselves.
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The people who fit that bill the best are dead. As an added bonus they
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don't go complaining one bit. Go to the library and look
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through old death notices. You have to find someone who was born about
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the same time as you were, or better yet, a year or two older
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so you can buy booze, etc. You should go back as far as you can for the
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death because most states now cross index deaths to births so people
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can't do this in the future. The cutoff date in Wisconsin is 1979, folks
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in this grand state gotta look in 1978 or earlier. Anything earier there
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is cool. Now, this is the hardest part if you're younger. Brats that
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young happen to be quite resilient, takin' falls out of three story windows
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and eating rat poison like its Easter candy, and not a scratch or
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dent. There ain't many that die, so ya gotta look your ass off. Go
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down to the library and look up all the death notices you can,
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if it's on microfilm so much the better. You might have to go through
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months of death notices though, but the results are well worth it.
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You gotta get someone who died locally in most instances: the death
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certificate is filed only in the county of death. Now you go down to
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the county courthouse in the county where he died and get the
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death certificate, this will cost you around $3-$5 depending on the state
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you're in. Look at this hunk of paper, it could be your way to
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vanish in a clould of smoke when the right time comes, like right after
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that big scam. If You're lucky, the slobs parents signed him up with
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social security when he was a snot nosed brat. That'll be another piece
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of ID you can get. If not, thats ok too. It'll be listed on the death
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certificate if he has one. If you're lucky, the stiff was born
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locally and you can get his birth certificate right away.
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STEP 2
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Now check the place of birth on the death certificate, if it's in
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the same place you standing now you're all set. If not, you can mail
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away for one from that county but its a minor pain and it might
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take a while to get, the librarian at the desk has listings of where
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to write for this stuff and exactly how much it costs. Get the Birth
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cirtificate, its worth the extra money to get it certified
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because thats the only way some people will accept it for ID. When yur
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gettin this stuff the little forms ask for the reason you want it,
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instead of writing in "Fuck you", try putting in the word "Geneology".
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They get this all the time. If the Death certificate looks good for
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you, wait a day or so before getting the certified birth certificate
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in case they recognize someone wanting it for a dead guy.
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STEP 3
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Now your cookin! You got your start and the next part's easy.
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Crank out your old Dot matrix printer and run off some mailing labels
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addressed to you at some phony address. Take the time to check your
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phony address that there is such a place. Hotels that rent by the month
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or large apartment buildings are good, be sure to get the right zip
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code for the area. These are things that the cops might notice that
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will trip you up. Grab some old junk mail and paste your new lables
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on them. Now take them along with the birth certificate down to the library.
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Get a new library card. If they ask you if you had one before say that
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you really aren't sure because your family moved around alot when
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you were a kid. Most libraries will allow you to use letters as a form
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of ID when you get your card. If they want more give them a sob story
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about how you were mugged and got your wallet stolen with all your
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identification. Your card should be waiting for you in about two weeks.
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Most libraries ask for two forms of ID, one can be your trusty Birth
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Certificate, and they do allow letters addressed to you as a second
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form.
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STEP 4
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Now you got a start, it isn't perfect yet, so let's continue. You should
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have two forms of ID now. Throw away the old letters, or better yet
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stuff them inside the wallet you intend to use with this stuff.
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Go to the county courthouse and show them what nice ID you got and get
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a state ID card. Now you got a picture ID. This will take about two weeks
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and cost about $5, its well worth it.
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STEP 5
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If the death certificate had a social security number on it you can go
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out and buy one of those metal SS# cards that they sell.
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If it didn't, then you got all kinds of pretty ID that shows exactly
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who you are. If you don't yet have an SS#, Go down and apply for one,
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these are free but they could take five or six weeks to get,
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Bureaucrats you know... You can invent a SS# too if ya like, but the motto
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of 'THE WALKING GLITCH' has always been "Why not excellence?".
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STEP 6
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If you want to go whole hog you can now get a bank account in your new
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name. If you plan to do alot of traveling then you can put alot
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of money in the account and then say you lost the account book. After
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you get the new book you take out all the cash. They'll hit you
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with a slight charge and maybe tie-up your money some, but if you're
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ever broke in some small town that bank book will keep you from being
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thrown in jail as a vagrant.
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ALL DONE?
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So kiddies, you got ID for buying booze, but what else? In some towns
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(the larger the more likely) the cops if they catch you for something
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petty like shoplifting stuff under a certain dollar amount, will just
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give you a ticket, same thing for pissing in the street. Thats it!
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No fingerprints or nothing, just pay the fine (almost always over $100)
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or appear in court. Of course they run a radio check on your ID, you'll
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be clean and your alter-ego gets a blot on his record.
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Your free and clear. Thats worth the price of the trouble you've gone
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through right there. If your smart, you'll toss that ID away if this
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happens, or better yet, tear off your picture and give the ID to someone
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you don't like, maybe they'll get busted with it.
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If you're a working stiff, here's a way to stretch your dollar. Go to work
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for as long as it takes to get unemployment and then get yourself fired.
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Go to work under the other name while your getting the unemployment.
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With a couple of sets of ID, you can live like a king. These concepts
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for survival in the new age come to you compliments of THE WALKING GLITCH.
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First release of this phile 7/7/88.
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brought to you in the Cookbook courtesy of...
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---------------The Jolly Roger
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