168 lines
7.0 KiB
Standard ML
168 lines
7.0 KiB
Standard ML
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-=and=- __
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//
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// // // //\\ // // \\ \\ _____ //\
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//\\ // \\// //__>> //__// \\ _// ~//~~// \\
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// \\ //\\ \\ //~~~~ //~~// \\ ~ // \\ //
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// \\/ \\ \\// // // // \\ // \\/
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\\ \/
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/\ __ //
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// // //\\ //|| || || //|| ||~\\ \\//
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//\\ //\ //__\\ // || || || //_|| ||_// \\
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// \\ // \\ // \\ // || || /| // //~~|| ||~\\ \\//
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// \\/ \\ //___|| ||//|// // || || \\ \/
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\\ ~~~~
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Whoa-ho, it's those...
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_______
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_________________/ \_________
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/ F U N \
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< R A D I O L O G Y F U N P A G E S >
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\_________________ F U N _________/
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\_______/
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Number 2
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Written by:Abby Hoffman
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Edited and typed by:Mr. Pez
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It's that radical fun paper for the whole family! The NEW computer version!
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I, as Mr. Pez, have decided to type in the works of the great Abby Hoffman in
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order to gain a few cheap upload credits...but I'm sure you'll enjoy this fine
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file! As well as the fine board Abby runs, called the Woodstock Nation. (More
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on that later...)
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1) If a metal take-out tray from a Japanese sushi parlor is put in a microwave
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oven, how much will the magnetron be destroyed?
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2) If a one-megaton warhead was dropped over the Empire State Building, how
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many new customers would Hair Club for Men have after one month?
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3) If a hydrogen bomb was dropped over Kentucky, how many radioactive table
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legs could be made and sold at surplus prices?
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4) A meaningful message from Mr. Mouli:
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Remember, kids, no radioactive materials are allowed on the George
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Washington Bridge! ALWAYS REMEMBER THIS!!
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Mr. Mouli is a staff writer, and, although he does nothing but chop
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vegetables all day, he often contributes a meaningful message to THE PAGES.
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5) If a Geiger counter tests all cartons of milk coming from the mid-west, how
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many will be proved radiologically unfit for America's growing youth
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because of atomic bomb tests after World War II?
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6) If a 12 megaton atomic weapon is dropped on mid-town Manhattan, how much
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business will Alfred A. Shyster, lawyer on 89th street, lose?
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7) Math for pre-schoolers:
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If an atomic bomb is dropped in the Yukon or North Pole, how many people
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will be killed?
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8) An atomic bomb is dropped in Canajoharie, New York (Small city and home of
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the Beech-Nut and Life Saver factories.)
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a. How much will the net profits of Johnson and Johnson's shampoo division
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and the makers of Adorn and Hair-Net drop?
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b. How many workers will be laid off?
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9) Reading comprehension:
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TDI (Tesla Designs, Incorporated) is researched a new product.
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Prototypes have been called the XRM or "X-Ray Magnetron". This new machine
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is expected to be in 7/11's and AM/PM Mini Marts by next fall. This heavy-
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duty oven cooks food with X-rays. However, the user must stand at least
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three to four miles away from the oven. The late-night adventurer will be
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shielded in a blockhouse buried deep underground and located several miles
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away from the store. Most convenience stores will be relocated to
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underground caverns deep below the Earth's crust and far from any population
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centers. "You can cook a burrito in .5 nanoseconds," says a spokesman from
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TDI. "However," he continues, "Many fear that all this time saved may rip
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the fabric of American society to shreds." Remeber to pull that heavy battle
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armor out of the closets! Remember to never turn your back on the XRM. And
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please -- Watch the dog!
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1) What would be a good title for the story?
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a. Fun With X-Rays.
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b. Mr. Tesla At Work.
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c. A New Way To Cook.
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d. A Day In The Park.
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2) What is the name of the company?
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a. 7-11.
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b. TDI.
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c. Burrito.
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d. Underground Blockhouse, Inc.
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3) What stores will support the XRM?
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a. All finer stores near you.
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b. King Kullen and Waldbaum's.
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c. Most convenience stores.
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d. 86 Lumber.
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4) How quickly will the oven cook?
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a. Quickly.
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b. With X-rays.
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c. Damn fast.
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d. A nuclear nightmare.
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5) Why will most convenience stores be relocated?
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a. Because nobody wants them in their neighborhood.
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b. The XRM is very dangerous.
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c. Because the south-west has been deprived of convenience stores for years.
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d. A nuclear nightmare.
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6) Which of the following does the spokesman from TDI say?
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a. "...All of this time saved may rip the fabric of American society to
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shreds."
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b. "I would like to be a Shakespearian actor."
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c. "Where may I buy the antiques?"
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d. "I would like a room with a bath."
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10) J M L --That Scrambled Word Game!!
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U B E
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1) OLGBEN
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_ _ _ _ ( )( )
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2) NGGIO
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_ ( ) _ ( ) _
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3) RMEKAE
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( ) _ ( ) _ _ _
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4) ETARCER (Hint: Not "RETRACE")
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( ) _ _ _ ( ) _ _
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5) PNEO
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_ _ ( ) _
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Print answer here:
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HINT: Makes the modern kitchen
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( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )
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Well, Abby only made three of these Pages (the one I didn't do had too many
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pictures) and I don't know if he'll make more, but why don't you call THE
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WOODSTOCK NATION and find out?
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[Ed's note: As I sit shamelessly painting board numbers everywhere and
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making this a product of my group(s), when I actually wrote it in August or
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something, I realize that the Nation's down, so don't bother calling it.
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Well, I'm editing out the number, so you can't anyway. Enjoy the files, it
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makes the total number of RM/MM files 4 now. Be excited. Be very
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excited.]
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Boards where you can savor good conversation with intelligent people:
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____N_a_m_e______ ___N_u_m_b_e_r__ __Software__ ___S_y_s_o_p_____ _Baudrate_
|
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The Works! ! [914]-238-8195 ! PCBoard ! Jason Scott ! 300/1200 !
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The Darque Side ! [408]-245-SPAM ! WaffleNET ! S Bunker !3/12/2400 !
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Thieve's World ! [616]-344-2718 ! FIDO ! Thomas Covenant ! 300/1200 !
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Terrapin Station ! [505]-865-0883 ! AE:TAC ! Count Nibble ! 300/1200 !
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The Brewery ! [314]-394-8259 ! WWIV/Forum ! Beer Wolf ! 300/1200 !
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~
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