160 lines
7.0 KiB
Plaintext
160 lines
7.0 KiB
Plaintext
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_____________ _/_/ | | \ \ _/_/ _____________
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| ___________ _/_/ | | \ \ _/_/ ___________ |
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| | _/_/_____ | | > > _/_/_____ | |
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| | c o m m u n i c a t i o n s | |
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| |________________________________________________________________| |
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|____________________________________________________________________|
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...presents... Ultra Trendies
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by Psychedelic Warlord
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>>> a cDc publication.......1989 <<<
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-cDc- CULT OF THE DEAD COW -cDc-
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_______________________________________________________________________________
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Trendy Death: The Next Generation..
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I've discovered something sickening and vile. I've discovered a new
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creature: THE ULTRA TRENDY.
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I'm sure you remember the old trendies: "Yeah... I'm socially conscious...
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I listen to U2 and INXS. Yeah... that's me...." You remember their shallow
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lives, their social ladders, and the hollowness. Well friends, that was just
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the beginning. The new trendy, the ULTRA TRENDY, has invaded the ranks of the
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TRUE alternative scene, and it's a cancer that might cause the death of each
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and every scene across the nation.
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These new trendies can actually be found at the shows that you attend
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every so often. In fact, at your average punk/alternative show, the MAJORITY
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will be ultra trendies.
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Although an in-depth essay on these infiltrating trendies would
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probably be more beneficial and help you, I will, as I did in my last trendy
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file, just give you pointers in spotting them, and maybe some help in killing
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them. I know you don't wanna sit through 20, 10-line paragraphs describing
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this vile species.
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^^^^^___^^^^^___^^^^^___^^^^^___^^^^^___^^^^^___^^^^^___^^^^^___^^^^^___^^^^^
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xXx ULTRA TRENDIES know nothing about the alternative scene they profess to
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care about so much. One can often hear them state something along the lines
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of, "Yeah, I went drinking with Minor Threat last night. Their lead singer has
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the COOLEST mohawk."
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xXx ULTRA TRENDIES over play the "punk" lifestyle. They can recite everything
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Gary Oldman said in "Sid and Nancy".
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xXx ULTRA TRENDIES are usually the 'scene sluts' that many of the menfolk
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admire so. They show up, get drunk with the band, and tell the lead singer, "I
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really like your music. I think it's a lot like the Sex Pistols. Sooo... you
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wanna fuck?"
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xXx The only band these ULTRA TRENDIES have ever listened to, has been the Sex
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Pistols. Sid Vicious is a fucking GOD to these people.
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xXx ULTRA TRENDIES drive up to the shows in their mom's new sports car, and
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brag that they got "kicked out of the house." They then go on to add, "My mom
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is SUCH a bitch. I'm gonna fucking kill her."
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xXx ULTRA TRENDY females hook-up with violent boyfriends because, (yeah... you
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guessed it) "He's so much like Sid Vicious!"
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xXx If an ULTRA TRENDY is not dating a violent member of some "1977, Sex
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Pistols stuff kinda band..." then she is thrown out of the ULTRA TRENDY caste
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system, and must then go fake her way into the glam-rock circuit.
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xXx According to ULTRA TRENDIES, you must "skate or die," and if, "you don't
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skate, you're not punk!"
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xXx ULTRA TRENDY male: big black X's on his hands and he is snorting coke like
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Sid Vicious did.
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xXx ULTRA TRENDY: "Well... the reason I don't go in the pit, is... well...
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see, I uh... broke my leg... yeah, I broke my leg... and I'm not wearing a cast
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because... uh... because... because I'm tough! Yeah... I'm tough... I don't
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need a cast.... By the way, did you get the new Sex Pistols bootleg?"
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xXx Engage a suspected ULTRA TRENDY in conversation, and ask him or her what
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they think of Government Issue, and if he/she says, "I think they sound a lot
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like the Sex Pistols," you know that you got a live one on your hands.
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xXx You can spot an ULTRA TRENDY by the large 'A' (for ANARCHY, a concept they
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know nothing about) on his or her shoes.
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xXx ULTRA TRENDIES hang around in packs. If you see a bunch of people with
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shiny, leather jackets talking about how they'd like to be anti-christs and
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anarchists, you've hit a ULTRA TRENDY territory.
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xXx On very rare occasions (due to low mentality and creativity), ULTRA
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TRENDIES will put together a band. It'll usually be called something like 'The
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Anarchists', or, if a total lack of creativity comes on, they will name
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themselves 'The Sex Pistols.'
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^^^^^___^^^^^___^^^^^___^^^^^___^^^^^___^^^^^___^^^^^___^^^^^___^^^^^___^^^^^
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Well, now you've got your ULTRA TRENDY identified, so whaddya gonna do?
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^^^^^___^^^^^___^^^^^___^^^^^___^^^^^___^^^^^___^^^^^___^^^^^___^^^^^___^^^^^
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xXx Tell the ULTRA TRENDY that Sid Vicious is dead.
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xXx Tell the Nazi Skins in your area that this certain ULTRA TRENDY has AIDS.
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xXx Tell 'em that the new 'punk' thing to do is to play in the middle of the
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freeway.
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xXx Tell him/her that the Sex Pistols broke up 10 years ago.
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xXx To kill an ULTRA TRENDY female, show her a picture of what she'd look like
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without make-up.
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xXx Tell him or her that they're completely ugly.
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xXx Tell the ULTRA TRENDY that the new trend is to butt-fuck skinheads.
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xXx Tell the ULTRA TRENDY that punk went out of fashion 10 years ago.
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xXx Play Youth Brigade at 50 decibels
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^^^^^___^^^^^___^^^^^___^^^^^___^^^^^___^^^^^___^^^^^___^^^^^___^^^^^___^^^^^
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* Be wary of anyone that suddenly appears at shows with SeX pIStOLs t-shirts
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on, and screams, "Long live Sid!"
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Trendy
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I look into the steely blue ocean
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I see my reflection.
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As I look closer I notice something.
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I look almost transparent.
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As if I wasn't there.
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Like I wasn't an individual anymore.
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-Mike Stevens
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_ _ _____________________________________________________________________
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/((___))\|The Convent..........619/475-6187 The Dead Zone.........214/522-5321
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[ x x ] |Demon Roach Undrgrnd.806/794-4362 Greenpeace's IGB......916/673-8412
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\ / |PURE NIHILISM..........new # soon Ripco.................312/528-5020
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(' ') |Tequila Willy's GSC..209/526-3194 The Works.............617/861-8976
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(U) |=====================================================================
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.ooM |(c)1989 cDc communications by Psychedelic Warlord. 2/6-09/30/89-#121
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\_______/|All Rights Pissed Away.
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