63 lines
3.3 KiB
Plaintext
63 lines
3.3 KiB
Plaintext
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File : SPH-5.TXT
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Author : Bat Bastard
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BBS : The Banana Republic BBS
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SPHEROIDS, PART 5
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IN SUBURBIA, NO-ONE CAN HERE YOU VOMIT
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The morning after the night before. A resounding knock on the door woke Lacy
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and Tilly from their respective slumbers.Shaking off the empty beer cans, and
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evicying a large symbiotic colony of lice from her hair with the fire brush,
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Lacy made her way to the door.She opened it. "Bugger off !, we're C of E" was
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her opening gambit. "My dear young lady, " began the man who had ,had he known
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it, cut short a steamy slumbertime encounter between Lacy, and the cat from
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Postman Pat (the black and white one), in the land of nod.(actually, Lacy's TV
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was itself black and white, and Lacy had always imagine Postman Pat's cat to be
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a beguileing shade of vermillion, for such are the perils of living in a post
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industrial society) "I am the undertaker", he continued ,smoothing down a
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wayward lick of hair on his balding, yet dandruffed pate, in an attempt to aid
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his sluggish cogitative proces's." I am here, if you will pardon the
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expression, to 'measure your stiffy'"
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"youed better come through, then"said Lacy, directing him arround the pool of
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vomit, and into what passed for the kitchen. "Who's that?" Bellowed Tilly, from
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her boudoir, the hot water closet. "The undertaker!" replied Lacy, in tones
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that caused caused a standing wave to be set up, and shatter the only clean
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glass in the house before they died away.(this however , was no loss as it had
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become lodged underneath the skirting board in the masterbedroom ,when thrown
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there many years before , by a client of mummies, after she had stolen his
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false teeth, and it had since become a urinal for inconvienienced vermin)
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" The undertaker?" replied Tilly "I say, has anyone made the stiffy joke yet?"
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"Quit the alternative humor, and come down here and help me open the freezer"
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yelled Lacy. Tilly complied (and thus became guilty of complacency after the
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event) and between them, the soon had the freezer open. "There you go!" cryed
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Tilly, triumphant, pushing aside several six pax, to reveal the cadaver of her
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mother. "She'd begun to smell a bit " She offered , by way of explaination,
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"(well more than usual , anyway), so we popped her in with the six pax. She
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would of liked it that way. Now, which is cheapest, burial, cremation, or
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mulching her up as compost?"
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"Well," began the undertaker, as he looked to heavan, the kind of look Tammy
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Baker assumed, when explaining her millions , " the compost option is very
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popular today, and so.... so...."
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"Composed?" offered Tilly
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"Decomposed!" ejaculated the undertaker , with the light of certainty in his
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eye. " and whats more, you get 50 cents a kilo . I'll be round at lunchtime"
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As he made good his exit, a neutrino passed into Tilly's skull, annihlateng
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itself within her frontal lobe, and sparking a strange thought......
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TO BE CONTINUED !
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! !
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!!! ! ! !!!
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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AUTHOR : Bat Bastard
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Brought to the WORLD by The Banana Republic BBS
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