100 lines
5.0 KiB
Plaintext
100 lines
5.0 KiB
Plaintext
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Anarchy inc. ...somewhat proudly presents...
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------------ /) The Life and Times (\
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\) of Matt Ackeret (/
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as told by: Eric C. Thompson
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rewritten on February 19th, 1985 -=- All Rights Shot to Hell
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Introduction: by The Daredevil
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-------------
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Hello, Daredevil here...Well, considering Matt is getting back into the
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"wonderful" world of Bulletin Board Systems, I figured that a friend of mine
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should re-write his life story, to tell all of you what Matt is really like.
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Eric C. Thompson is new to the world of modems, but he's adapted quite well.
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So, may I present, The Life and Times of Matt Ackeret.
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[Disclaimer: Matt Ackeret is a completely fictional character, belonging to
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Anarchy inc. If your name is Matt Ackeret, then any simularities are completely
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nontopical. We take no responsibility whatsoever if anyone is offended, mainly
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because we don't give a damn. -author.]
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Chapter one: His Childhood
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---------------------------
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Matt Ackeret was born in the small town of Arco, Ohio. His parents were
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unhappy with Matt's birth, because he was supposed to have been an abortion.
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His obnoxiousness was noticed at an early age, when he called the doctor a
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"professional mean-be'r". Matt was known in his kindergarten class for making
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the other kids run away from him, and getting kitchen appliances sticky. His
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parents weren't happy with him in the least, being that he molested fireplugs at
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an alarming rate, and bought him a vic-20 computer, with a modem. Matt would
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sit for hours in front of this "oversized calculator", as he put it, and
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program. It was months later, when he found the power switch.
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I believe it was in April, when his parents sent him to the store, for a can
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of spam, for lunch. During the time he was at the store, they moved away to
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Darkest Africa. Matt came home to find only the Vic-20 sitting on the floor.
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It took him two years to notice anything else, except for the fact that "those
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two other people" had left, without paying rent.
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Chapter two: Bulletin Boards and Matt
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-------------------------------------
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Matt came to find a modem at the bottom of his closet. So, he plugged it in,
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and found that he could call other computers! Such joy. For a year, he was an
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avid user of the infamous "Transvestite BBS", but it seemed that they didn't
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support Fire Hydrant Molesting. There was a BBS for Fire Hydrant Molesters in
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Darkest Africa, but he found phone phreaking to be illegal and immoral. He even
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met me, Eric C. Thompson, over the modem. However, I wasn't impressed with
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him, or his methods of trashing. (This, is a personal oponion, and should be
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disregarded.) Matt wrote some text-files, like "How to Molest Fire Hydrants",
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but they weren't too popular with the local users. On such illustrious Bulletin
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Boards like The Twilight Zone, and The Haunted House, he tried to fit in. But,
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his ill-mannered tones got in the way, and soon everybody began to dislike him.
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Matt grew to such heights as being the "System Joke", and "Asshole of the
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Month", but that's beside the point. His artistic ability was duplicated on
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BBS's, but nobody cares for it anyway.
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Chapter three: The Sin!
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--------------
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I am not sure when it happened, but sometime during his jaunt on the BBS's, a
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tragic thing happened to Matt Ackeret. I have the facts somewhat straight, and
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believe most of it to be true. Matt Ackeret was raped by a cow. Some people
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say that he was warped by it, and decided to be mean and nasty to all around
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him. Others insist that he was a willing participant, and enjoyed it. The cow
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was put to sleep, being that it was tramatized by this whole event.
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Chapter four: An Interview!
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-------------
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I was lucky enough to get a short interview with Mr. Ackeret, when I went
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trashing with him. (See: Ackeret & Thompson; Trashing textfile -author) He
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didn't have too much to say:
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Eric: Matt, I'd like to interview you for Anarchy inc.
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Matt: NO! THEY'RE MEAN TO ME.
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Eric: What did they do?
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Matt: They said I got raped by a cow.
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Eric: No, they stated that you weren't raped.
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Matt: Oh, good.
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Eric: They said you were willing.
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with that, Matt left the room and became very annoyed. He and I went out
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trashing that evening, and I haven't heard from him since.
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Conclusion
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----------
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I hope people enjoyed this file, and I plan to get Matt to do some other
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activities, like trashing. Perhaps we'll go out to a bridging head soon. Matt
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Ackeret isn't that bad. Yet, he isn't that good either!
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(c) 1985 Anarchy inc. The original "Life and Times of Matt Ackeret" was
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written by The Bullseye, who got bored, and left Anarchy inc. If you are
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wishing to be a member of the Matt Ackeret Fan Club, then call: (408) 732-1079,
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and ask about the Matt Ackeret Fan Club. Tell 'em Eric C. Thompson sent you,
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and you'll get full service. Thank you, and have a nice day.
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Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open
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