textfiles/games/spor

The Sports Page
Copyright (c) 1994, Tommy Van Hook
All rights reserved


Welcome to yet another edition of the Sunlight Through The
Shadows Sports Page!  It's a strange world out there in sports,
so let's all pretend to understand it, shall we?

By the time you read this, it will more than likely be 1995.  Do
you ever wonder if there is going to be Major League Baseball in
1995?  Well, you are not the only one.  There are approximately
800 ball players wondering the same thing.  The owners have put
off implementing the salary cap for one week, in order to
continue negotiations with the Players' Union.  It looks like the
two sides are at least starting to talk with one another.  It's a
good thing that some progress was being made.  The prevalent
rumor was that the Clinton Administration was going to ask former
President Jimmy Carter to mediate if talks continued to stall. 
Anyway, on to the sweaty jocks in the NFL locker rooms.

It's almost playoff time.  Suddenly, the Dallas Cowboys don't
look like the "sure thing" that they once were.  It looks like
the San Francisco 49ers have much more drive/hunger than the
'Boys.  It's a good thing too.  I, for one, was getting sick of
the Buffalo Bills (already eliminated from the playoffs) and the
Dallas Cowboys playing the final game of the season.  However, I
didn't get my wish for the playoffs.  While the Oilers eliminated
themselves with a poor record, my request to form a team from the
centerfolds of Playboy's past was nixed by the Commissioner's
office.  The explanation that I was given was that the team MUST
wear something besides shoulder-pads.

The other night, I went to watch a basketball game at Reunion
arena.  The game was between the Los Angeles Lakers and the
Dallas Mavericks.  At this game, I saw Jesus Christ...and he was
wearing a Lakers uniform.  Nick Van Exel shot the lights out of
the arena that night, raining three-pointers from everywhere on
the floor.  If you ever had doubts about the second coming of
Christ, Nick Van Exel will put those doubts to rest.  At the same
game, Mavericks forward Roy Tarpley was suspended for arguing
with coach Dick Motta.  The incident was really strange.  Tarpley
had turned the ball over a bit too much for Motta's liking. 
Motta pulled Tarpley out of the game, and Roy commented that the
move was "bullshit."  Motta promptly told Tarpley to "sit your
ass down at the end of the bench and shut up."  Tarpley continued
the argument in the locker room at the half, and Motta suspended
him on the spot.  What does this say for the Dallas Mavericks,
Roy Tarpley, and Dick Motta?  The Dallas Mavericks showed great
poise as a team by ignoring what had happened between Motta and
Tarpley, while Roy Tarpley showed us why he should never have
been reinstated in the NBA.  And Dick Motta proved to the Dallas
Mavericks, it's fans and the media that he is the ONLY coach of
the Dallas Mavericks.  Bravo for Dick Motta.

Boxing-On-Ice (Hockey) is still in a state of limbo.  Not being a
big fan of this game, I personally could care less.  However,
there are people out there that adore this sport.  Of course, if
I wanted violence in my life, I would date a Dominatrix.

Speaking of violence, the word is out that the doctors have
cleared Evander Holyfield to come back and fight again. 
Holyfield was forced to retire with a heart condition that could
have killed him.  While I admire Evander's drive/desire to fight
again, I think this moron needs to have his brain checked out to
see if he is fit enough to think.

Well, here's to hoping that we can get a nationally sanctioned
Female Mud Wrestling League going in the near future.  The only
question that I have is:  What group of people should we target
as a potential audience??  (grin)

Till next month....