175 lines
10 KiB
Plaintext
175 lines
10 KiB
Plaintext
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/\/oo\/\ Count Nibble /\/oo\/\
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Presents
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Fear and Loathing in the Soft Drink Aisle:
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NEW COKE - An Investigative Report
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June 4th, 1985
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Coca-Cola. We grew up with it, as did our parents and grandparents. But now,
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as you probably know, Coke has been changed. What was once the "Real Thing" is
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nothing more than a poor imitation Pepsi, with about as much taste appeal to the
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Coke loyalist as a glass of old mop-water. What drove Coca-Cola to this
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near-traitorous act? What has really been changed in the new Coke formula? And
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most important of all, how can YOU bring the taste, if not the substance, of
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Original Coca-Cola back into your daily life? Read on, gentle reader, read on .
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. .
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---------------------------------------
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"Why did they do it?"
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-- Kim Richards, for Pepsi-Cola
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Ever since Coke's announcement several weeks ago, the rumours have flown about
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why Coke decided to change the recipe. Suggestions have been made that Coke
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needed to do so in order to get out of several problematic contracts that
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applied only to the old formula, or that perhaps, through some horrible mistake
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the formula (according to legend, known only to two men who were never allowed
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to ride on the same airplane together) was lost altogether. One wag even said
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that the formula was never even changed, and that the public's perception of
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Coke's taste was altered through subliminal manipulation.
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Well, I believe that the truth is a little more down-to-earth than any of
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those explanations. Contrary to popular belief, Coca-Cola is *not* the most
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popular soft drink in America. Most independent studies show that Pepsi-Cola is
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preferred by a significant margin, and indeed this is reflected in store sales.
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But, there is more Coke sold in America than Pepsi, so how can that be true?
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Well, more Coke is sold in America than Pepsi, but this is not because of store
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sales, but because of the phenomenal success of Coke's distributors.
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Coke has major contracts with the biggest fast-food chains in the country. If
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you walk into a McDonalds and ask for Pepsi, you won't be able to get it. This
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is because Coke pays big money to chains (such as McDonalds) for carrying only
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Coca-Cola. Both Coke and Pepsi have many such contracts, but Coke has the
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central pillar of McD's. What this all boils down to is that Pepsi sells much
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better than Coke IN THE SUPERMARKETS AND CONVENIENCE STORES where people have
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their choice between the two. Apparently the executives at Coke were not
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pleased with this situation, and decided to make a move for a share of the Pepsi
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market -- effectively abandoning all of us who liked the old Coke and HATED
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Pepsi.
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There will probably be a fair amount of consumer backlash to the change. Some
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taste tests have indicated that new-formula Coke is /less/ popular than old
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Coke, rather than more, and if Coca-Cola's market share drops appreciably we may
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see a change back to the old formula. If not, we may see an underground market
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spring up for the old Coca-Cola. Like the main character in the first
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computer-generated comic book, SHATTER, we could become willing to pay $75,000
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for a canister of old Coke syrup. The ultimate futuristic gourmet delicacy.
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-----------------------------
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Making Your Own Original Coke
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-----------------------------
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Now we come to the nitty-gritty of this file -- how can you bring back the
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taste of Original Coca-Cola? Well, complaining to the Coke company is the
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easiest way to try to get back the taste we all loved, but given all the
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publicity generated by the changeover, a turnabout on the part of Coca-Cola is
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extremely unlikely. Drink something else. Many of the "store brands" of
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supermarket chains feature decent-tasting colas, and dark horse brands like
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Shasta and RC can hold their own. Become a Pepper for a while, and see how that
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works out. If you live in Massachusetts or Maine, stock up on some Moxie.
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Switch to Vernors or Canada Dry ginger ale. Do what comes naturally, but DON'T
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BUY COKE OR PEPSI! If you buy New Coke then they'll think you LIKE it (if you
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do, why are you reading this file?), and if you drink Pepsi, then you're
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probably secretly giggling about this whole mess anyway.
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Unfortunately, none of that lets you drink the old Coke here and now. The
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first suggestion that will allow the taste of old Coke back into your life is to
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make it yourself. Impossible, you say? Not at all! Just time-consuming, but
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well worth a shot for the true Coke fanatic. I stole this recipe from the
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excellent and highly informative William Poundstone book BIG SECRETS. Try
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making it sometime!
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The following recipe produces a gallon of syrup very similar to Coca-Cola's.
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Mix 2400 grams of sugar with just enough water to dissolve (high-fructose corn
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syrup may be substituted for half the sugar). Add 37 grams of caramel, 3.1
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grams of caffeine, and 11 grams of phosphoric acid. Extract the cocaine from
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1.1 grams of coca leaf (/Truxillo/ growth of coca preferred) with toluol;
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discard the cocaine extract [however you see fit! :-)]. Soak the coca leaves
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and kola nuts (both finely powdered; 0.37 gram of kola nuts) in 22 grams of 20
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percent alcohol. California white wine fortified to 20 percent strength was
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used as the soaking solution circa 1909, but Coca-Cola may have switched to a
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simple alcohol/water mixture. After soaking, discard the coca and the kola and
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add the liquid to the syrup. Add 30 grams of lime juice (a former ingredient,
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evidently, that Coca-Cola now denies) or a substitute such as a water solution
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of citric acid and sodium citrate at lime-juice strength. Mix together 0.88
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gram of lemon oil, 0.47 gram of orange oil, 0.27 gram of lime oil, 0.20 gram of
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cassia (Chinese cinnamon) oil, 0.07 gram of nutmeg oil, and if desired, traces
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of coriander, lavender, and neroli oils, and add to 4.9 grams of 95 percent
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alcohol. Shake. Add 2.7 grams of water to the alcohol/oil mixture and let
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stand for twenty-four hours at about 60 degrees F. A cloudy layer will
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separate. Take off the clear part of the liquid only and add to the syrup. Add
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19 grams of glycerin (from vegetable sources, not hog fat, so the drink can be
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sold to Orthodox Jews and Moslems) and 1.5 grams of vanilla extract. Add water
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(treated with chlorine) to make 1 gallon of syrup.
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Yield (used to flavor carbonated water): 128 6.5-ounce bottles.
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----------------------------------------------------
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Making Good With What You've Got: Old Coke From New
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----------------------------------------------------
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None of the above will help you rediscover the old taste of Coke if you find
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yourself at McDonalds or at a party featuring nothing but (ugh) New Coke. But
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there is a way, given to me by Rip, of making New Coke taste an awful lot like
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Old Coke. First we need to look at what exactly has changed in Coke.
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In order to capture the Pepsi market, Coke had to do the obvious thing -- make
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Coke taste like Pepsi. Pepsi has, as most people know, a blatantly sweet taste
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that is slightly reminscent of lemon. Old Coke, too, was sweet, but not as
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sweet as Pepsi. New Coke tastes a lot more like Pepsi by being -- you guessed
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it -- sweeter.
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Now if you were running a large company like Coca-Cola and you had to change
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the formula for your product in dozens of plants all across the country, and you
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had to keep costs to a minimum, what would you do to change it? Add something?
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Not likely -- if you added something, you would be buying whatever you added in
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great quantities, shipping it across the country, and generally spending money
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and cutting down on your profit margin. Substitute something? Well, that
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would change the taste, but you'd still have to buy that ingredient. No real
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savings there. How about taking something away? Of course! Remove something
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from the formula and you don't have to buy it anymore. It's simple, and it cuts
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down on costs -- a Coke executive's wet dream. This is, I believe, essentially
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what Coke did to make the change from Original Coke to New Coke. And if you
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want to bring back the old taste, what do you have to do? Add to your drink
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whatever it was that they stopped putting in at the factory.
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As it turns out, apparently what Coke cut down on was citrus oil. The addition
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of citrus oil (probably lime oil or orange oil) in the old formula masked a lot
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of the sweet taste of the drink. By removing they make Coke taste sweeter --
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more like Pepsi. But you can put it back! Get a glass of New Coke and simply
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squeeze in a drop of concentrated lemon, lime, or orange juice, and stir the
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mixture gently. Drink. Viola! OLD COKE! This actually works! When at a
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fast-food joint just ask for a wedge of lemon and squeeze it in, masking the
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sweet taste of New Coke and bringing The Real Thing back to life at your very
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own table (or booth, or large airplane depending on which McDonalds you're at).
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At a party go into the kitchen, get that lemon-shaped thing out of the fridge,
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and add a few drops to the Coke bottle. People will marvel at your ingenuity,
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sing your praises to the heavens, and you will be drinking COCA-COLA again!
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-------------
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In Conclusion
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-------------
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I understand that Burger King plans to change the recipe on the Whopper soon.
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/\/oo\/\ Count Nibble /\/oo\/\
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Call these Southwest Pirates Guild lines:
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>The Space Bar< (505) 265-5178 pw:BANZAI 7dy=24hr
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Blue Oyster Bay (409) 693-7908 pw:DHARMA 7dy=24hr M-F=3/12 SS=1200 only
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Terrapin Station (505) 865-0883 pw:CICADA 7dy=24hr 3/12
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The 4th Reich BBS (505) 298-1705 (-Ind Pw-) 7dy=24hr 10M on-line soon!
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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/\/oo\/\ File written by Count Nibble / A Southwest Pirates Guild Presentation
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open
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