88 lines
4.1 KiB
Plaintext
88 lines
4.1 KiB
Plaintext
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* *
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* Exploring Bill the Cat's Brain *
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* by *
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* The Motorhead *
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* *
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* A Secret Treaties Production *
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* *
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**********************************
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First off, let me tell you where I got the idea for this text file. Gary
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Trudeau, author of the Doonesbury comic strip, did a series in the strip called
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"In Search of Reagan's Brain" back in around 1980 when he was first campaigning
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for president. I thought a similar expose on Bill the Cat would be appropriate.
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CHAPTER ONE
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------- ---
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To get inside Bill the Cat's brain, we could take several paths. The most
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obvious is through his rather gaping large mouth. There are dangers associated
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with this though; he might take a swig of Kool-Aid from his Fred Flintstone cup.
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This would prove disastrous, as we would end up in his stomach, surrounded by
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bits of Twinkees and Whatchamacallit bars, and then we would eventually be let
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through his digestive track and out through the anus. Not a pleasant end.
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A secondary route could be through his nose, but again, there are problems
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with this route. For instance, he might start to pick his nose before we had
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safely gotten out of his reach. This could cause us to be squashed on the
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inside of Matt's nose, which wouldn't be fun, especially when he would drink
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some Coke and have it go up his nose.
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The only other route we could take would be by climbing in through his ears.
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We'd have to be careful, though, and avoid any Q-tips or pencils he might try to
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shove into his ears. This probably is the least dangerous route, so let us
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journey on.
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CHAPTER TWO
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------- ---
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As we climb down through the channel connecting the outer ear to the eardrum,
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we see all sorts of ear wax clinging to the walls that has been blackened,
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probably by the insertion of a pencil. We shudder and continue on towards our
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destination. As we pass the eardrum, we notice that it is in particularly bad
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shape, probably from watching too much of the Brady Bunch with the volume on the
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TV turned up too much.
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We have come to the end of the aural canal, so we will have to create a
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passageway to the inner reaches of Matt's head. Carefully we make an incision
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into the wall of the canal, and note that there is not painful reaction as we do
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it. Strange, his head is Completely numb! No matter.
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Soon we have climbed through the new hole and have climbed onto the outer
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section of Matt's small brain. My, it is small. It looks like it is probably
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about the size of the average 8-year-old. No wonder he's such an idiot on
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BBS's.
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Now that we're actually at the brain, we look around the surface to find a
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suitably sized crack to slip through. We don't have very long to search, as
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there seem to be many cracks all over the surface. Easily we slip through the
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surface and down into the inner section of the Cerebellum.
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CHAPTER THREE
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------- -----
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Now inside the actual brain, we can see the many different brain cells and
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nerve connectors that make Matt tick. Many of the connectors seem to be frayed,
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which might explain why Matt can't seem to make cohesive arguments about much of
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anything. Travelling on, we go to the Frontal Lobe, where all of his "neato"
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creative thoughts are processed. This section seems to have something quite
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strange burned into it; it resembles a constantly reforming version of the text
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file "AE Smartmodem Macros Rev. x" (where x changes from A to B to C, etc.).
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After passing this monstrosity, we peruse all of Matt's creative thoughts, and
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then come upon something so completely horrible that we flee in terror. It is
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something that has a squid-like head complete with tentacles, with an equally
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hideous body. It reminds us of the creature in "The Call of Cthulhu" by H.P.
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Lovecraft, in the ancient city of R'leyh.
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CHAPTER FOUR
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------- ----
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Travellers beware when trying to explore the deeper reaches of such an unusual
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creature such as Bill the Cat. You might happen upon Gomer Pyle practising his
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shooting or some such thing, and that could be fatal.
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(C) 1985 by Secret Treaties productions, inc.
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