91 lines
4.9 KiB
Plaintext
91 lines
4.9 KiB
Plaintext
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(word processor parameters LM=1, RM=70, TM=2, BM=2)
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Taken from KeelyNet BBS (214) 324-3501
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Sponsored by Vangard Sciences
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PO BOX 1031
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Mesquite, TX 75150
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This article was taken from Double Helix in New York.
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It is an account of a personal experience.
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PET AIDS
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--------
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One of the weirdest spinoffs of my recent trip to Russia was
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the news about AIDS in household pets, cats and dogs. The Soviets
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seem to have discovered it first and announced it to other
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national health organizations and, I am told, articles are
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starting to appear in the US about it.
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When I was over in Russia some of the people I spoke with
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including the Intourist host explained that sex as such in the
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USSR is one colossal nono and taboo. The society is quite puritan
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and Victorian about sex believing that it is meant only for the
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propagation of the species in order to populate the Motherland.
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All this is after a due process marriage, of course. Naturally
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hormones don't care abour Lenin. Men do have hormone arousals
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and attacks. In addition flats are small and scarce, with two or
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even three families living in a four-room apartment. This means
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the casual sex of the American stripe is pretty much precluded --
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it's hard to lay your girlfriend when your aunt is sleeping on the
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cot across from you and your father is playing chess with your
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sister at the table in the corner.
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Now, on top of all this, in Russia you must earn the privilege
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to have a household pet. You work extra long and hard and you get
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a coupon for a dog or a cat. This you redeem at the Ministry of
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house pets or some such bureau and you are the proud owner (with a
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license) of a nice cuddly dog. Needless to say, pets are uncommon
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in the USSR.
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So we see Igor getting all hot and horny with his family all
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around his ears. Necessity to satisfy his biological urges
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causes a lightbulb in his head to go on! Igor fetches a large
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bath towel 'because the draft thru the wall cracks bother him' and
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in a flash the little cuddly dog is popped under it. Some minor
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commotion ensues and the dog jumps out all terribly confused.
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Igor is becalmed and his tension momentarily relieved.
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With little other outlet for sex urges, the dog is treated to
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frequent sessions under the towel. Soon, our dog sickens and Igor
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packs it off to the clinic. Oddly, it fails to revive under the
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usual medicines; the immune system seems deficient. And the dog
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dies.
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Apparently the periodic towel treatments overload the animals
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capacity to fight off "invading micro-organisms" in the form of
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sexual fluids. Now in Russia, ideologically speaking, there is no
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explanation for this odd death at all. Quite privately the
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physicians did have to own up to the cause and they alerted other
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countries. It took a few years to figure out what was going on
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firstly because pets are far and few between in Russia, secondly,
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most people don't have the smarts --or the nerve -- to bring a
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sick pet to a doctor. After all, the pet was awarded to the
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person and its sickness could be deemed a mark of unworthiness to
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keep it, given the centralized state control of everything.
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Now look what's going on in the USA. Here sex with housepets
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is a subset of the overall sex culture and, indeed, you can get
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books, magazines, appliances, etc. to promote and foster pet sex
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(remember, this is with human partners). Hence, for some time
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pets were brought to vets with arcane diseases that failed to
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respond to treatment.
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Vets in the sexually aggressive neighborhoods knew all along
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what was happening. And in the pet sex literature there were
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pieces about the cause of death among sexual pet partners.
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Well, when the Soviets leaked out the word -- pets are dying
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from AIDS -- there was no way to avoid the topic within the
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general public. So, although I myself have yet to see any
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articles on pet AIDS, I do hear about it at social gatherings and
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parties. Needless to say, no one in my circles ever owned up to
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sexxing with his or her housepet, but all state that they know a
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friend or neighbor who practices pet sex and lost a pet to AIDS as
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a result. Also, being that I work in the Village, (Greenwich
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Village in New York), I do see some heavy stuff going on between
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people and pets in the parks.
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Anyway, that's what you get from the good folk who brought you
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caviar and vodka.
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