76 lines
3.6 KiB
Plaintext
76 lines
3.6 KiB
Plaintext
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_____HOW TO SCARE PEOPLE ON THE SUBWAY!_____
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-A great new hobby for the deranged!
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by
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the almighty -=PASTY PUPPY=-
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(a.k.a. Slade)
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Stop and ponder this for a moment, if you will. Have you
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ever been sitting on the subway, going into Harvard Sq., or
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perhaps going home? Of course you have (unless you live in some
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remote suburb)! Well, that's all good and fine. And when you
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were on the subway, wasn't your attention drawn to a manic,
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usually filthy person, acting in an odd manner? Probably. Well,
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if you like to bother people, then this phile is for you! Here
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are several compiled methods of frightening/annoying innocent
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people on the subway. All of these methods were tested in the
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field, save for #6, because of the potential of getting arrested
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for such actions. Here are several methods:
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1.) OK, here's the situation: Wow, you're just going home
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from seeing "Lensman" with a bunch of your friends at Harvard Sq.
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You've been out and about since 3, it's now 8. You're tired, you
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want to sit down, and stretch out a little, but there's only one
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seat. Here's what you do: Sit down. Start rocking back and forth,
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slowly. Wrap your arms around yourself, close your eyes, and start
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mumbling "Mmmmmm! Mmmmm, mmmm!" as if you're eating something really
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good. This won't always clear the seat next to you, but it's fun to
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feel the person next to you squirming.
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2.) If the person next to you is annoying in some way (let's
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say he's a "wigger", shall we?), a good thing to do would be to grab
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him, pull him really close to you, and say in a really slurred,
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stuttered voice, "Eh-eh-ehx-kYoooze ma-ma-mee, b-b-buthh, d-do y-y-you
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kn-n-nOHW wh-what t-t-TIME it issSSSS..?" Be sure to spit in his face
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as you say this. Also, always be sure you're doing this to someone not
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too much larger than you, it wouldn't be nice to get pummeled on the
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subway. Also, when doing this, having bad breath/teeth is a plus.
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3.) How to generally freak a good amount of riders out: Sit
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down. Get this really angry expression on your face, I mean,
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FEROCIOUS expression. Start looking around at the people.
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This alone works well. Then, make quick jerking motions from your
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crotch, simultaneously emitting loud grunts.
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4.) OK, let's say this guy is staring at you, because of
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your weird behavior, right? Look at him with this really pissed off
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expression, and start growling really loudly. If there's a support
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pole nearby, slide your hand up and down it slowly.
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5.) Just stare at someone. Really HARD, probing stare. It's
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a classic. If not that, stare at the reflection of their eyes in the
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window. If they notice you staring at them, it freaks 'em out, too.
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Note: I've gotten the occasional SMILE from this one!
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6.) The last resort: I haven't tried this, it's really
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dangerous. This would be the best, quickest way to impress me, I'll
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say that much. Here's the theory: Start marching up and down the
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aisle of the train, kicking your feet in front of you like an idiot.
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At the same time, scream "DING-DONG! DING-DONG!" in the loudest voice
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possible. Should be a train-clearer.
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7.) Suggestion. Have a friend bring a camcorder hidden in a
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duffle bag, and tape people's reactions. Then send 'em into funniest
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home videos, and see if you can get on the show and make Bob Faggot
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look like an ass!
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8.) Most of all, have fun! Not all people will dig this,
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I consider it a most majestic sport. If you can scare people on
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the subway just by your appearance, hey! It's even better!
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===fIN===
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