135 lines
5.6 KiB
Plaintext
135 lines
5.6 KiB
Plaintext
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| Fun Stuff to do to a pizza joint |
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| by: PsychoFox 09/28/90 2:34am |
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Important: This file was written by me for you so you could have
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The same fun I get to have when I'm bored. This file is in no way
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linked with Satan, or other evil or mythological creatures. This
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file originated on an IBM 80386SX 16mhz SVGA machine. I thought
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I'd include that to piss off all you bonehead Apple (C) users.
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Okay. First, find your favorite pizza place. It might as well be a delivery
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joint, but I guess it makes no difference. If you don't know the number, call
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"Directory Assistance".
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Alright. The dork answers the fone.
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HIM: "Pizza Slut, may i help you?"
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YOU: "Yes, I'd like a large pizza, half onion, half mulch."
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HIM "Excuse me?"
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You: "I want a large pizza, half onion, half plain!"
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When you have to repeat yourself, ALWAYS say something different. Say it fast,
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and in a sort of annoyed tone. Don't act "bitchy" but make it sound genuine.
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HIM: "Okay sir, that'll be ready in 20 minutes. Your name?"
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YOU: "Thompson" (say it sorta fast, to make sure he asks:)
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HIM: "Could you spell that please?"
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YOU: "T-S-O-L"
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HIM "Excuse me?"
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You: "T-H-O-M-P-S-O-N!"
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It is important to be able to spell the name quickly, so that when he asks the
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2nd time, you can rattle it off like you were saying "Rat shit, bat shit, dirty
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old twat, sixty nine assholes tied in a knot." again, say it fast, with an
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annoyed tone.
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HIM: May I take your order please?
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You: I'd like a pizza with phlegm balls and douche drippings.
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HIM: Excuse me?
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You: Large pizza, sausage and peppers!
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-or-
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Him: May I help you?
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You: Yes I'd like a pizza with no cheese please.
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Him: I'm afraid we can't do that, sir.
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You: Well you'll just have to.
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Him: <pause>Uh....
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You: Well?
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Him: I'll have to ask the manager.
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You: No. I don't have all day. Either you'll do it or you won't.
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Him: Okay...I guess we can do it....but it'll cost you extra.
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You: That's okay. My name is Smith, S-M-U-R-F.
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Him: Excuse me?
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You: Jesus H. Christ on a popsicle stick! I've had enough!
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...and slam down the reciever. You can substitute no crust for no cheese.
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Or, better yet, ask for 1 shred of cheese on each slice. If you get a dumb
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enough order man, they'll say, "Well, we use chunks of cheese." You can tell
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him that's "fucking fine" and one chunk per slice will do. Using "fuck" in
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context when you are not angry is great fun too.
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CALMLY: Yes, I'd like a fucking pizza, and 3 small cokes, please.
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If ever you actually place an order, and they are assuming you are going to
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come pick it up, call them every two minutes and ask if it is ready yet.
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This will eventually annoy the hell out of fone man.
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The 6-7 pizza trick.
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--------------------
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This trick is very hard to perform, and it should only be done by trained
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professionals. It is important to do this trick someplace that has
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6-slice 8-slice and 10-slice pizzas. (or something like that)
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Here's how it goes:
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You: Yes, I'd like a seven slice pizza.
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him: I'm sorry, sir we have only six slice and eight slice pizzas.
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You: I would like a seven slice pizza with extra cheese please.
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him: Sir, we only cut our pizzas into 6 and 8 slices!
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You: Listen, I need a 7 slice pizza! What's the problem?
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Him: I'm sorry, but we do not make 7 slice pizzas!
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You: Let me talk to the manager. NOW please.
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Him: <groan>okay...hold on...
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Manager: Yes?
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You: Is this the manager?
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Man: Yes.
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You: Well, I want an eight slice extra cheese pizza, and your order taker
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insists on giving me one with seven slices!
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Well.. u get the idea. Record your pranks on your answering machine, or with
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a phone mike. (avail. at radio shack). They're fun as hell to listen to.
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Always do this sort of thing in a mature calm voice, or you won't be taken
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seriously. NEVER LAUGH.
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This has been a PsychoFox presentation.
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enjoy.
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origin:the works bbs: 617-861-8976 :Shitloads of textfiles on end.
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X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X
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Another file downloaded from: NIRVANAnet(tm)
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& the Temple of the Screaming Electron Jeff Hunter 510-935-5845
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Rat Head Ratsnatcher 510-524-3649
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Burn This Flag Zardoz 408-363-9766
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realitycheck Poindexter Fortran 415-567-7043
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Lies Unlimited Mick Freen 415-583-4102
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Specializing in conversations, obscure information, high explosives,
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arcane knowledge, political extremism, diversive sexuality,
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insane speculation, and wild rumours. ALL-TEXT BBS SYSTEMS.
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Full access for first-time callers. We don't want to know who you are,
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where you live, or what your phone number is. We are not Big Brother.
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"Raw Data for Raw Nerves"
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X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X
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