68 lines
4.5 KiB
Plaintext
68 lines
4.5 KiB
Plaintext
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How To Terrorize McDonalds by the Jolly Roger
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(Originally an Apple ][ file so excuse the upper case!!!)
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NOW, ALTHOUGH Mc DONALDS IS FAMOUS FOR IT'S ADVERTISING AND MAKING THE
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WHOLE WORLD THINK THAT THE BIG MAC IS THE BEST THING TO COME ALONG SINCE
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SLICED BREAD (BUNS?), EACH LITTLE RESTAURANT IS AS AMATEUR AND SIMPLE AS
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A NEW-FOUND BUSNESS. NOT ONLY ARE ALL THE EMPLOYEES RATHER INEXPERIENCED
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AT WHAT THEY'RE =SUPPOSED= TO DO, BUT THEY WILL JUST LOOSE ALL CONTROL WHEN
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AN EMERGENCY OCCURS....HERE WE GO!!! FIRST, GET A FEW FRIENDS (4 IS
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GOOD...I'LL GET TO THIS LATER) AND ENTER THE MCDONALDS RESTAURANT, TALKING
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LOUDLY AND REAKING OF SOME STRANGE SMELL THAT AUTOMATICALLY MAKES THE OLD
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COUPLE SITTING BY THE DOOR LEAVE. IF ONE OF THOSE PIMPLY-FACED GOONS IS
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WIPING THE FLOOR, THEN TRACK SOME CRAP ALL OVER IT (YOU COULD PRETEND TO
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SLIP AND BREAK YOUR HEAD, BUT YOU MIGHT ACTUALLY DO SO).
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NEXT, BEFORE YOU GET THE FOOD, FIND A TABLE. START YELLING AND RELEASING
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SOME STRANGE BODY ODOR SO =ANYBODY= WOULD LEAVE THEIR TABLE AND WALK OUT
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THE DOOR. SIT 2 FRIENDS THERE, AND GO UP TO THE COUNTER WITH ANOTHER.
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FIND A PLACE WHERE THE LINE IS SHORT, OR IF THE LINE IS LONG SAY "I ONLY
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WANNA BUY A COKE" AND YOU GET MOVED UP. NOW, YOU GET TO DO THE =ORDERING=
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...HEH HEH HEH. SOMEBODY =ALWAYS= MUST WANT A PLAIN
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HAMBURGER WITH ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ON IT (THIS TAKES EXTRA TIME TO MAKE, AND
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DRIVES THE LITTLE HAMBURGER-MAKERS INSANE)..ORDER A 9-PACK OF CHICKEN
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MCNUGGETS...NO, A 20 PACK...NO, THREE 6 PACKS...WAIT...GO BACK TO THE TABLE
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AND ASK WHO WANTS WHAT. YOUR OTHER FRIEND WAITS BY THE COUNTER AND MAKES A
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PASS AT THE FEMALE CLERK. GET BACK TO THE THING AND ORDER THREE 6-PACKS OF
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CHICKEN ETC....NOW SHE SAYS "WHAT KIND OF SAUCE WOULD YOU LIKE?".OF COURSE,
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SAY THAT YOU ALL WANT BARBECUE SAUCE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS WANTS 2 (ONLY IF
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THERE ARE ONLY 2 CONTAINERS OF BARBECUE SAUCE LEFT).THEN THEY HAFTA GO INTO
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THE STOREROOM AND OPEN UP ANOTHER BOX. FINALLY, THE DRINKS...SOMEBODY WANTS
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COKE, SOMEBODY ROOT BEER, AND SOMEBODY DIET COKE. AFTER THESE ARE DELIVERED,
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BRING THEM BACK AND SAY "I DIDN'T ORDER A DIET COKE! I ORDERED A SPRITE!"
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THIS GETS THEM MAD; BETTER YET, TURN DOWN SOMETHING TERRIBLE THAT NOBODY
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WANTS TO DRINK, SO THEY HAFTA THROW THE DRINK AWAY; THEY CAN'T SELL IT.
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AFTER ALL THE FOOD(?) IS HANDED TO YOU, YOU MUST =NEVER= HAVE ENOUGH MONEY
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TO PAY. THE CLERK WILL BE SO ANGRY AND CONFUSED THAT SHE'LL LET YA GET
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AWAY WITH IT (ANOTHER INFLUENCE ON HER IS YOUR FRIEND ASKING HER "IF YOU
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LET US GO I'LL GO OUT WITH YOU" AND GIVING HER A FAKE FONE NUMBER).
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NOW, BACK TO YOUR TABLE. BUT FIRST, SOMEBODY LIKES KETCHUP AND MUSTARD.
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AND PLENTY (TOO MUCH) OF NAPKINS. OH, AND SOMEBODY LIKES FORKS AND KNIVES,
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SO ALWAYS END UP BREAKING THE ONES YOU PICK OUTTA THE BOX. HAVE YOUR
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FRIENDS YELL OUT,"YAY!!!!! WE HAVE MUNCHIES!!" AS LOUD AS THEY CAN.
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THAT'LL WORRY THE ENTIRE RESTAURANT. PROCEED TO SIT DOWN. SO, YOU ARE
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SITTING IN THE SMOKING SECTION (BY ACCIDENT) EH? WELL, WHILE ONE OF THE
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TOBACCO-BREATHERS ISN'T LOOKING, PUT A SIGN FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE
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ROOM SAYING "DO NOT SMOKE HERE" AND HE'LL HAFTA MOVE...THEN HE GOES INTO
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THE REAL NON-SMOKING SECTION, AND GETS YELLED AT. HE THEN THINKS THAT
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NO SMOKING IS ALLOWED IN THE RESTAURANT, SO HE EATS OUTSIDE (IN THE POUR-
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ING RAIN) AFTER YOUR MEAL IS FINISHED (AND QUITE A FEW SPLATTERED-OPENED
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KETCHUP PACKETS ARE ALL OVER YER TABLE), TRY TO LEAVE. BUT OOPS! SOMEBODY
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HAS TO DO HIS DUTY IN THE MEN'S ROOM. AS HE GOES THERE, HE STICKS AN
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UNEATED HAMBURGGR (WOULD YOU DARE TO EAT ONE OF THEIR HAMBURGERS?)
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INSIDE THE TOILET, FLUSHES IT A WHILE,UNTIL IT RUNS ALL OVER THE BATHROOM.
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OOPS! SEND A PIMPLY-FACED TEENAGER TO CLEAN IT UP. (HE WON'T KNOW THAT
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BROWN THING IS A HAMBURGER, AND HE'LL GET SICK. WHEEE!)
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AS YOU LEAVE THE RESTCURANT, LOOKING BACK AT YOUR UNCLEANED TABLE, SOMEBODY
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MUST REMEMBER THAT THEY LEFT THEIR CHOCOLATE SHAKE THERE! THE ONE THAT'S
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ALMOST FULL!!!! HE TAKES IT THEN SAYS "THIS TASTES LIKE CRAP!", THEN HE
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TAKES OFF THE LID AND THROWS IT INTO THE GARBAGE CAN...OOPS! HE MISSED,
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AND NOW THE SAME POOR SOUL WHO'S CLEANING UP THE BATHROOM NOW HASTA CLEAN
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UP CHOCOLATE SHAKE. THEN LEAVE THE JOINT, REVERSING THE "YES, WE'RE OPEN"
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SIGN (AS A REMINDER OF YER VISIT THERE YOU HAVE IT! YOU HAVE JUST PUT
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ALL OF MCDONALDS INTO COMPLETE MAYHEM. AND SINCE THERE IS NO PENALTY FOR
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LITTERING IN A RESTAURANT, BUGGING PEOPLE IN A PUBLIC EATERY (OR
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THROW-UPERY, IN THIS CASE) YOU GET OFF SCOT-FREE. WASN'T THAT FUN?
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--------------Jolly Roger
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